Post by hardcorehobo on Jun 5, 2019 16:58:43 GMT -5
Nathan Doe and Tommy Victor are seated behind a table in Ned and Rory’s backyard. There is a palpable sense of anticipation and excitement as the segment gets underway.
Nathan: Welcome everybody, we are your Mischief announce team. I’m Nathan Doe and beside me is my partner in crime, Tommy Victor!
Tommy: Great to be here, Nathan! Today, we have a treat for you fans. We shine the spotlight on our newest Mischief acquisition, the Hardcore Hobo! Who is he? Where is he from? What is that smell? All these questions answered and a whole lot more!
Nathan: Now let’s take a look at this newcomer who has a chance to become our very first City Champion.
Jason Kel provides narration as clips play of Hardcore Hobo.
Jason: The man that calls himself the Hardcore Hobo has an interesting past. He was born to a very well off and influential family in Withering Heights. Chad and Tawny Abbot were known for their immense beauty and social status. Tawny’s pregnancy and the birth of their child was covered by every tabloid. However, once little Olaf was born, his looks didn’t meet this star couple’s standards. Labeled as an “Uggo,” no baby photos were taken and the couple even started a rumor that he died. THe National Enquirer managed to snap some photos at little Olaf’s baptism.
Hardcore Hobo: My folks weren’t paying attention to the paparazzi. Me mom was trying to drown me in the holy water and Father McIlpenny wrestled me away from her. A fight broke out and all hell broke loose. I ended up getting blasted with a bottle of communion wine.
Jason: Once the pictures surfaced, Chad and Tawny paid one of their butlers to drop off the child at Sister Maria’s Orphanage for The Aesthetically Challenged.
Hobo: It was there I learned to scrap. After getting picked on, a buddy of mine gave me some awesome advice: find the meanest sonuvabitch there and knock their block off. It worked, too. Sister Josefina never saw it coming!
Jason: After several failed foster homes, Olaf decided to hit the streets at the age of seven. Roaming the rails, Olaf train-hopped all across the USA. He honed his fighting skills against fellow train hoppers, security guards and the errant policeman.
Hobo: When I was 17, I got me a hot plate from a Good Grace store. Well, I stole it. Then this asshole named Windshield Cleaner Mike tried to say that it was his hot plate. I wasn’t having any of that shit. I took me sock off and put it on me hand. Then I shoved it down his throat! Gave him the Hobo Handjob I did! He fell out of his sneakers...and off the train. Did I mention the train was moving? No? Well, Windshield Cleaner Mike got pulled under the wheels. At least his shoes didn’t go to waste! *points at his sneakers*
Jason: The history of the Hardcore Hobo would be incomplete without mentioning his near death experience.
Hobo: Nearly died in the Great Hobo Encampment fire of ‘14. One minute I’m frying possum tails in my newspaper tent, the next the whole encampment is ablaze. Singed me beard sumthin awful. 37 1/2 hobos died that day. I still miss Little Jeb.
Jason: While fate may have dealt Olaf a bad hand, he is determined to succeed and become the first ever City Champion.
Hobo: I don’t care who they got going against me in that Leechburg Playground Match! Dill Hole the Vill Hole? I’m kicking his ass! Numbnuts? Kick his ass, too! Naboo? Consider his ass kicked too! Hell, bring Sister Josefina and I’ll beat the snot out of her for old times sake! It don’t matter who shows up. The Hardcore Hobo is winnin’ that belt and eating like someone on welfare!!
We cut back to Nathan and Victor
Tommy: Well, I sure wouldn’t want to cross that crazy bastard!
Nathan: Same here. Will the Hardcore Hobo make good on his threat and win the BWF City Championship? Tune in to Monday Mischief and find out. For Jason Kel and Tommy Victor, I’m Nathan Doe. See ya next time ya bastards!
Nathan: Welcome everybody, we are your Mischief announce team. I’m Nathan Doe and beside me is my partner in crime, Tommy Victor!
Tommy: Great to be here, Nathan! Today, we have a treat for you fans. We shine the spotlight on our newest Mischief acquisition, the Hardcore Hobo! Who is he? Where is he from? What is that smell? All these questions answered and a whole lot more!
Nathan: Now let’s take a look at this newcomer who has a chance to become our very first City Champion.
Jason Kel provides narration as clips play of Hardcore Hobo.
Jason: The man that calls himself the Hardcore Hobo has an interesting past. He was born to a very well off and influential family in Withering Heights. Chad and Tawny Abbot were known for their immense beauty and social status. Tawny’s pregnancy and the birth of their child was covered by every tabloid. However, once little Olaf was born, his looks didn’t meet this star couple’s standards. Labeled as an “Uggo,” no baby photos were taken and the couple even started a rumor that he died. THe National Enquirer managed to snap some photos at little Olaf’s baptism.
Hardcore Hobo: My folks weren’t paying attention to the paparazzi. Me mom was trying to drown me in the holy water and Father McIlpenny wrestled me away from her. A fight broke out and all hell broke loose. I ended up getting blasted with a bottle of communion wine.
Jason: Once the pictures surfaced, Chad and Tawny paid one of their butlers to drop off the child at Sister Maria’s Orphanage for The Aesthetically Challenged.
Hobo: It was there I learned to scrap. After getting picked on, a buddy of mine gave me some awesome advice: find the meanest sonuvabitch there and knock their block off. It worked, too. Sister Josefina never saw it coming!
Jason: After several failed foster homes, Olaf decided to hit the streets at the age of seven. Roaming the rails, Olaf train-hopped all across the USA. He honed his fighting skills against fellow train hoppers, security guards and the errant policeman.
Hobo: When I was 17, I got me a hot plate from a Good Grace store. Well, I stole it. Then this asshole named Windshield Cleaner Mike tried to say that it was his hot plate. I wasn’t having any of that shit. I took me sock off and put it on me hand. Then I shoved it down his throat! Gave him the Hobo Handjob I did! He fell out of his sneakers...and off the train. Did I mention the train was moving? No? Well, Windshield Cleaner Mike got pulled under the wheels. At least his shoes didn’t go to waste! *points at his sneakers*
Jason: The history of the Hardcore Hobo would be incomplete without mentioning his near death experience.
Hobo: Nearly died in the Great Hobo Encampment fire of ‘14. One minute I’m frying possum tails in my newspaper tent, the next the whole encampment is ablaze. Singed me beard sumthin awful. 37 1/2 hobos died that day. I still miss Little Jeb.
Jason: While fate may have dealt Olaf a bad hand, he is determined to succeed and become the first ever City Champion.
Hobo: I don’t care who they got going against me in that Leechburg Playground Match! Dill Hole the Vill Hole? I’m kicking his ass! Numbnuts? Kick his ass, too! Naboo? Consider his ass kicked too! Hell, bring Sister Josefina and I’ll beat the snot out of her for old times sake! It don’t matter who shows up. The Hardcore Hobo is winnin’ that belt and eating like someone on welfare!!
We cut back to Nathan and Victor
Tommy: Well, I sure wouldn’t want to cross that crazy bastard!
Nathan: Same here. Will the Hardcore Hobo make good on his threat and win the BWF City Championship? Tune in to Monday Mischief and find out. For Jason Kel and Tommy Victor, I’m Nathan Doe. See ya next time ya bastards!