Post by stretchnuts on Jun 16, 2019 11:13:58 GMT -5
Stretchnuts is driving a beat up old first pinto with black smoke coming out of the back. He's recording the drive with his shitty offbrand smart phone from Boost Mobile.
Stretchnuts: Alright bitches I got a data limit, but fuck it ya'll last week I got fucked worse than your mom's! I need to set it straight like me. I love bitches, but I hate you bitches! Yous the worse kinda bitches! I would've been City Champion one on one against anyone out there, but that homo Taboo wanted to tug my nuts on the monkey bars, and Dillon had a little twist of Fate for me.
Stretch lits up a Newport cig. He coughs like a little bitch and swerves all over the back dirt road.
Stretchnuts: *coughing* one on one none of yall can touch this
Stretch gets into a uncontrollable coughing fit and drops the cigarette on his crotch. He swats hisc attempting to put out the flames, and swerves into a cornfield. As he smashes through a bunch of stalks the trunk busts open with cans of Faygo shooting out. Stretch stops the car and rolls out of the door, still holding his mobile phone, recording all his facial expressions of terror a long the way.
Stretchnuts: Fuck guys, fuck, my mom's pinto!II don't even have a license!
Stretch jumps up onto the hood and sees nobody in sight. He wipes his brow taking paint with it
Stretchnuts: Fuck man this shit is more risky than my match coming up. Know why? This Olaf dude is more of a clown then me! He's a literal damn clown while I'm just representin the hatchet. Dude is named after a snowman. I'm gonna slap the shit out of him so hard it'll clean his teeth. Fucking dude wants a sandwich I got a big loaf of meat right here!
Stretch grabs his nuts and does a jig. He slips and falls off the hood, smashing his phone in the process. He gets to his feet and keeps talking.
Stretchnuts: You bout to be as cracked as this phone, bitch, and instead of Faygo in the trunk I'm gonna replace it with your belt. Hokus pokus, joker's ride, come take a spin on my carnie ride! Just try to stretch these nuts, pussy!!
The phone dies at an opportune moment. Stretchnuts always so close to throwing out the big N.
Stretchnuts: Alright bitches I got a data limit, but fuck it ya'll last week I got fucked worse than your mom's! I need to set it straight like me. I love bitches, but I hate you bitches! Yous the worse kinda bitches! I would've been City Champion one on one against anyone out there, but that homo Taboo wanted to tug my nuts on the monkey bars, and Dillon had a little twist of Fate for me.
Stretch lits up a Newport cig. He coughs like a little bitch and swerves all over the back dirt road.
Stretchnuts: *coughing* one on one none of yall can touch this
Stretch gets into a uncontrollable coughing fit and drops the cigarette on his crotch. He swats hisc attempting to put out the flames, and swerves into a cornfield. As he smashes through a bunch of stalks the trunk busts open with cans of Faygo shooting out. Stretch stops the car and rolls out of the door, still holding his mobile phone, recording all his facial expressions of terror a long the way.
Stretchnuts: Fuck guys, fuck, my mom's pinto!II don't even have a license!
Stretch jumps up onto the hood and sees nobody in sight. He wipes his brow taking paint with it
Stretchnuts: Fuck man this shit is more risky than my match coming up. Know why? This Olaf dude is more of a clown then me! He's a literal damn clown while I'm just representin the hatchet. Dude is named after a snowman. I'm gonna slap the shit out of him so hard it'll clean his teeth. Fucking dude wants a sandwich I got a big loaf of meat right here!
Stretch grabs his nuts and does a jig. He slips and falls off the hood, smashing his phone in the process. He gets to his feet and keeps talking.
Stretchnuts: You bout to be as cracked as this phone, bitch, and instead of Faygo in the trunk I'm gonna replace it with your belt. Hokus pokus, joker's ride, come take a spin on my carnie ride! Just try to stretch these nuts, pussy!!
The phone dies at an opportune moment. Stretchnuts always so close to throwing out the big N.