Post by TinderMahal on Jun 16, 2019 18:50:34 GMT -5
***The camera opens in an unidentified hookah bar. It may be someone's basement or an abandoned building somewhere within Vandergrift city limits. No one really knows.
***The camera begins to pan up from the ground (smoke fills the air). The audience is greeted by a heavily-worn pair of hippy sandals along with gold painted toe nails.
***The camera slowly pans up to 30-something Indian man who is decked out in a golden robe, chest hair protruding underneath. Smoke billowing from nostrils and mouth as he puffs on the hookah.
Mahal: (takes a slow puff on the hookah and exhales) You see... You don't know me yet. Your mother does, though. How I pull on this hookah is how your mother was pulling on my...
***Mahal is immediately cut off by a waiter who delivers more ice for the hookah
Mahal: Excuse me?
Waiter: Sir?
Mahal: Can you not see that the Mustachio Rajaa is in the middle of something important? Something life changing? Something that you will never get to experience.
Waiter: Uhhh….
Mahal: Hmm... experience? I can guarantee something never experienced... an orgasm. Your girlfriend.
***Waiter slowly backs away contemplating whether to call the police or take pity on this man.
Mahal: Enough!
***Camera pans out to Mahal in a wide shot staring directly at the camera, although his beautiful eyes are hidden by his knock-off Gucci sunglasses.
Mahal: As I was saying... You don't know me. Yet. I have one purpose and that purpose is the City championship.
Mahal: I have traveled far and wide across this dreary County and witnessed the true expressions of the Western redneck. Whitetrash, I suppose. None of you would have made it in Bollywood!
***Mahal takes a slight pause to puff on the hookah. Mahal begins to cough.
Mahal: Turn that off! Turn that off! I am not choking. I swear!
***Camera does not turn off, but picks up Mahal slowly begin to grin.
Mahal: I can tell you one thing that was choking last night...
Mahal: Nevermind, she wasn't even worth my time. Fat pig.
Mahal: Let it be known that Tinder Mahal has arrived! Let it be known that I am also on Tinder... I have a premium account! Unlimited swipes!
Mahal: Let it be known... to that Jim character that likes to ask me which gas station I own - THE ANSWER IS NONE.
Mahal: I have come to own one thing! That is all of these chubby mid-life crisis dweebs hanging around eating their Little Caesar's pizza from the Kmart, eating their ice cream from that place down the road, SMOKING THEIR HASHISH AGAINST THE WILL OF THE LAW.
Mahal: Ladies... especially ladies... and gentleman. The ever-sexy, glorious, camera friendly, MUSTACHIO RAJAA has come to claim his place in this dump!
***In excitement, Mahal knocks the Hookah off the table. Its explodes into a million glass shards.
***Waiter comes running over, frantically attempting to clear the scene. From who? No one knows. No one else is there.
***Camera quickly jerks right to Mahal making a mad dash for the door. The last words from Mahal are: "I DIDNT DO IT. IVE BEEN FRAMED" as he leaps into his 1993 BMW 325i with notable rust.
***Squealing tires are heard. The camera fades black.
***The camera begins to pan up from the ground (smoke fills the air). The audience is greeted by a heavily-worn pair of hippy sandals along with gold painted toe nails.
***The camera slowly pans up to 30-something Indian man who is decked out in a golden robe, chest hair protruding underneath. Smoke billowing from nostrils and mouth as he puffs on the hookah.
Mahal: (takes a slow puff on the hookah and exhales) You see... You don't know me yet. Your mother does, though. How I pull on this hookah is how your mother was pulling on my...
***Mahal is immediately cut off by a waiter who delivers more ice for the hookah
Mahal: Excuse me?
Waiter: Sir?
Mahal: Can you not see that the Mustachio Rajaa is in the middle of something important? Something life changing? Something that you will never get to experience.
Waiter: Uhhh….
Mahal: Hmm... experience? I can guarantee something never experienced... an orgasm. Your girlfriend.
***Waiter slowly backs away contemplating whether to call the police or take pity on this man.
Mahal: Enough!
***Camera pans out to Mahal in a wide shot staring directly at the camera, although his beautiful eyes are hidden by his knock-off Gucci sunglasses.
Mahal: As I was saying... You don't know me. Yet. I have one purpose and that purpose is the City championship.
Mahal: I have traveled far and wide across this dreary County and witnessed the true expressions of the Western redneck. Whitetrash, I suppose. None of you would have made it in Bollywood!
***Mahal takes a slight pause to puff on the hookah. Mahal begins to cough.
Mahal: Turn that off! Turn that off! I am not choking. I swear!
***Camera does not turn off, but picks up Mahal slowly begin to grin.
Mahal: I can tell you one thing that was choking last night...
Mahal: Nevermind, she wasn't even worth my time. Fat pig.
Mahal: Let it be known that Tinder Mahal has arrived! Let it be known that I am also on Tinder... I have a premium account! Unlimited swipes!
Mahal: Let it be known... to that Jim character that likes to ask me which gas station I own - THE ANSWER IS NONE.
Mahal: I have come to own one thing! That is all of these chubby mid-life crisis dweebs hanging around eating their Little Caesar's pizza from the Kmart, eating their ice cream from that place down the road, SMOKING THEIR HASHISH AGAINST THE WILL OF THE LAW.
Mahal: Ladies... especially ladies... and gentleman. The ever-sexy, glorious, camera friendly, MUSTACHIO RAJAA has come to claim his place in this dump!
***In excitement, Mahal knocks the Hookah off the table. Its explodes into a million glass shards.
***Waiter comes running over, frantically attempting to clear the scene. From who? No one knows. No one else is there.
***Camera quickly jerks right to Mahal making a mad dash for the door. The last words from Mahal are: "I DIDNT DO IT. IVE BEEN FRAMED" as he leaps into his 1993 BMW 325i with notable rust.
***Squealing tires are heard. The camera fades black.