(6-17) Episode two AKA proofreading is for pussies
Jun 17, 2019 8:32:07 GMT -5
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Post by Admin on Jun 17, 2019 8:32:07 GMT -5
*Previously recorded*
The masked man known to the BWF only as “Admin” is in small board room. Assembled at a medium sized round table are several possible investors he has reached out to about the BWF. Among these shady businessmen are Dick Little of Pornhub fame, Chester Norington who runs a successful podcast channel online, used care sales rivals Texas Pete and Engine Joe, and some other notable local business owners.
The Admin is standing in front with his clipboard and a powerpoint presentation glowing on the wall.
Admin: So now that I have finished my presentation, my vision, stands to grow exponentially. What I need from you is a small investment that can be returned within mere months based on discussions I have had with Twitch, Tuned In, You Stream, Daily Motion, and Youtube Red.
Texas Pete: So you have a bunch of children, hooligans, losers, and literally homeless people fighting in a yard?
Admin: Wrestling, LIVE in real time. Performing death defying maneuvers.
Texas Pete: Kids and grown men without jobs I assume. For what purpose?
Admin: Pride. The City Championship. I certainly don’t pay them. See they aren’t employees so any injuries are not an insurance issue. They aren’t independent contractors because there is no financial gain here. It’s the pride of being the toughest men in town.
Dick Little: Hey, you sound familiar...Aren’t you that principal that got fired for recruiting teenagers to film independent movies after school?
Admin: That was a misunderstanding and my lawyer is still researching a defense.
Dick: Yeah, I knew it. You had that simulated rape scene with a 14 year old boy and a grown man in a monkey mask.
Admin: That was a beautifully shot sequence! Ruined by all of the nay sayers who don’t understand it was an artistic expression about societies views of the ever growing opiate addiction.
Engine Joe: So, to clarify you have started a backyard wrestling promotion. Are streaming live on social media and want us to invest money...For what?
Admin: Equipment. Microphones, better cameras. Drones filming the action from above. You see the action isn’t just in a yard. We have bouts all of the city. Around town, playgrounds. The entire city is our wrestling ring.
Engine Joe: And the police are ok with this?
Admin: Yet to be a problem as of now, and I am filing for permits.
Texas Pete: I just don’t know. I would have to see how many viewers there of this...Bumfight.
Admin: Numbers are growing. We are HUGE in China. Huge.
*stream ends as The Admin continues to speak with investors*
Cut to
Nathan Doe and Tommy Victor standing next to the house. Rory is looking on in terror from the window behind them.
Nathan Doe: Welcome to the second episode of Mischief!
Tommy Victor: Everyone said it would never happen. That it simply couldn’t be done. But here we are again. Two weeks into this exciting endeavor!
Nathan Doe: And last week was exciting. Crowning Olaf, The hardcore Hobo as our first City Champion but tonight he has to defend it.
Tommy Victor: But before the main event we have two matches before, featuring three new competitors. That’s right THREE.
Nathan Doe: We are growing like the herpes infection Tommy gave my mother last week!
Tommy Victor: And hopefully we are just as hard to get rid of.
Jason Kel walks into frame, rock band mic in hand.
Tommy Victor: Here’s this twat. Say something stupid Jason.
Jason Kel: And our first bout is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first. He is Maniac Mark.
“killing in The Name Of” blares for 20 seconds before “Maniac” Mark walks out and stands well more than shoulder width, almost a split, and puts his arms over his head to form an “X” before walking into the yard and getting ready for battle.
Tommy: Haha what an asshole he got Manic Marks name wrong.
Nathan: I think it is Maniac.
Tommy: Well we will get the monkeys in the back to check on that.
There’s a fumbling in the boombox as the cd is changed.
Jason Kel: And the opponent. Tinder Mahal!
Tommy: Two newcomers here.
The loud sound of glass shattering is heard followed by
I'm on tonight
You know my hips don't lie
And I'm starting to feel it's right
All the attraction, the tension
Don't you see, baby, this is perfection?
Tinder walks out from behind the curtain drapped between our house and the neighbors fence. Seductively and energetically thrusts and pivots his hips and crotch towards the camera and onlookers while pointing and gesturing for them to "cum get sum." Once in the yard "ring" he will go from corner to corner and blow kisses to EVERYONE in the crowd before doing a quick floss dance and then rolling onto his back and lifting his legs into the air in a "V" shape. Tinder and Maniac stare each other down while the anonymous masked referee checks them for weapons.
Tommy: Can someone tell this asshole we encourage weapons in backyard wrestling. Ring the damn bell.
The sound of clunking metal CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK signals the start of the match.
Tinder and Mark tie up. Mark being just a little bigger in size manages to lock Tinder in a headlock. Tinder pulls through and rolls out swinging behind and wrapping his arms around Mark’s waist. Mark uses strength to break the hold and swings around wrapping around Tinder himself.
Nathan Doe: Some excellent and unexpected chain wrestling going on here.
Tinder raises his hands to his head, elbows bent and begins to sway his waist grinding sexily on Mark who throws himself back in disgust. Tinder does a little Bollywood jig and Mark runs in attacking. Throwing a short arm clothesline but Tinder Ducks. He turns and Tinder hits him with a open hand bitch slap.
Tommy: He just swiped left on his ass.
He hits a few more bitch slaps.
Nathan: He is a premium member that means unlimited swipes.
Mark steps back and Tinder does even more taunting dancing some more and gesturing to the underage neighbor girl on her porch. Mark throws a toe kick that lands. Tunder is bent over and Maniac double axe handles him to the ground. He walks over to the small area by the cellar doors, the “production zone” and males Tommy and Nathan leave their chairs and takes. Them.
Nathan: Where are we going to sit now?
Tommy: I’d use your mothers face, but she isn’t here right now.
Maniac grabs both chairs, one in each hand and swings. Right, left, right left. Connecting with Tinder every time. He does this several more times. Tinder screams in pain with every blow. The chairs don’t even connect broadside but on the arc. Maniac Tosses them aside once he is satisfied with his destruction of the golden Punjab. He lifts him up throws an arm over his head and lifts him up vertically.
Nathan: And here is the Stalling suplex. Demonstrating his strength.
Tommy: And Tinder isn’t light. He weighs one hundred and eight point five kilograms for christ sakes.
Maniac finallys falls back suplexing Tinder not only to the ground but on top of the chairs. He covers him. The anon ref hits the dirt.
1
2
Kickout
Nathan: Tinder got the shoulders up.
Tommy: He does seem like a power bottom. It may be hard to pin him.
Maniac Mark lifts him again but Tinder rakes his eyes. Mark steps back in surprise and Tinder kicks him in the midsection and lifts him for a piledriver, but Mark powers up sending Tinder flipping onto the chairs.
Nathan: Landing back first onto those chairs.
Mark screams he has “Had enough” and signals he is going to finish the job.
Nathan: We may be seeing the Cure.
Tommy: Or possibly The Addiction.
Tinder slowly steps up and Mark moves in but as he reaches out Tinder grabs his brass mustache comb from his pocket and smashes him in the forehead with it. Mark drops to one knee. Tinder combs his moustache casually and swings again. The brass comb connecting again. The concussion from the assault makes Mark stand upright. And Tinder grabs him and swings into hooked leg neck breaker.
Nathan: Shake Rattle and bone.
He covers him. The ref hits the dirt.
1
2
3
Jason Kel: Here is your winner. Tinder Mahal
Shakira hits the boombox and Tinder dances for the neighbor girl.
Nathan: a Good debut for both, but Tinder gets the win.
Tommy: He has a future glittering gold here.
Cut To
The Admin is in the boardroom still. They are watching the show live. Tinder has just been escorted away from the underage neighbor girl.
Admin: You see, this is the real deal. REAL DEAl.
Texas Pete: Ok, OK you may be selling me. But I am not yet convinced.
Dick Little: Isn’t it true that there are other backyard feds in the area?
Admin: That is true and I do consider them competition, but frankly they don’t have my resources.
Engine Joe: Why is that?
Admin: Mainly because I am 35 years old and they are teenagers. But thar proves there is a market. IF you aren’t yet convinced lets keep watching. Dick You are gonna love Taboo.
Cut To Stream
Nathan: Oh my god. My stomach dude. I had this burrito last night. Im still shitting fire...And the next match is a triple threat.
Tommy: This should be a barnburner. A triple threat match. Returning from their losses last week are Taboo and Dillon the Villain. And debuting is Coach Jimbo.
Jason Kel: And introducing first.
Tommy: Boooo, boooo. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.
Jason Kel: Dillon the Villain.
One by Metallica plays. He walks out silent and focused.
Jason Kel: And next. He is TABOO.
Mr Crowley plays in the boombox and Taboo is lead out to the yard by Mitch Alfonos. Walking him with a leash.
Nathan Doe: Such Strange indivuals.
Jason kel: And last but not least. Making his BWF debut Coach Jimbo.
Some funbling of the boombox and then Cotton Eye Joe plays. Jimbo wlaks out trophy in hand.
Tommy Victor: I think that spandex has seen better days.
Nathan: Im not sure hes’ taken it off in 3o years.
The clunking of random items to signal the beginning of the match. Taboo and Dillon both attack the much larger man. Throwing strikes at him. Taboo kicks low. Dillon swings punches high. Jimbo seems to absorb them. And then strikes back with power. Kicking Taboo, he falls back several feet. And punching Dillon who falls on the way back onto Taboo. Jimbo is about to jump on top of them, but they both roll away. Jimbo stalls and poses with his cowboy hat instead. Dillon finds the chairs still in the yard from the previous match and tosses one to Taboo. They run over and swing. Jimbo takes both chair shots at the same time, taking a minor step back. Taboo goes to his him again but Jimbo punches the chair into Taboos face. Taboo falls down. Dillon
Nathan: What a powerful punch.
Dillon tries to swing the chair and hits Jimbo in the head. Knocking his cowboy hat off. Jimbo blinks and Dillon hits him again. Jimbo stutter steps. Dillon spins around trying to get as much momentum in his swing as possible and reaches out. Hitting Jimbo in the head again. He slowly leans backward after the impact. Finally dropping like a tree to the ground. Dillon pins.
1
2
Taboo breaks the pin and bites Dillon on the forehead. They trade punches and brawl. Dillon pokes Taboo in the eye. He spins around Dillon gives him a facebuster. Dillon stands up and screams as if he had just won. Mitch walks into the yard yelling at him. Dillon flips him off and throws the folding chair at him. Taboo sweeps Dillons legs out from underneath him and the knees his limbs one at a time.
Nathan: Looks like Jimbo is back on his feet.
Jimbo runs as fast as he can and uses his body to send Taboo flying forward. Taboo hits into the metal “T” used for hanging wet laundry outside. Jimbo jumps and splashes onto Dillon. He completely covers him with his mass. Leaving only Dillons feet visible and writing about. The masked ref hits the dirt.
1
2
Before the count of three everyone is distracted at the sound of the cellar door opening and Ned, the homeowner stepping out with weed whacker. Jimbo stands up looking confused.
Ned: God damn it. The only day without rain and you people are back.
He throws the weed whacker in anger and storms off into the house. JImbo still distracted is smacked in the head with Taboos chain and he wraps it around his neck choking him. Jimbo swings about trying to break free. Taboo holds on and is taken on a carnival ride. But Jimbo drops to his knees unable to breath. As Jimbo falls down unconscious the sounds of the weed whacker being turned on is heard. Dillon has it and ruins the cutting string over Taboos back. He runs away but Dillon chases him slashing through his shirt and spraying blood.
Nathan: That looks painful.
Tommy: It looks like Taboo may be enjoying it.
Taboo stops and takes the lashes, pinching his nipples and becoming erect. Dillons eyes widen.
Dillon: you’re a freak.
He lowers the whacker from his back to his ass. He jumps in the air holding on to his behind like a cartoon character. Dillon reaches out and hits him with a reverse twist of fate. Mitch is back interfering and Dillon grabs him by the collar. Jimbo is back and walking at break neck speed toward them. He throws Mitch backward into Jimbo. He bounces off him and goes back into Dillon. Dillon is leaning on the large “T” used for drying laundry. Jimbo collides with him bending the T like the leaning tower of Piza. Dillon falls lifeless. Taboo jumps up but Jimbo grabs him in a bear hug and belly to belly slams him. He pins.
1
2
3
Jason Kel: And here is your winner Coach Jimbo.
Nathan: Jimbo’s chase for glory proves to be worth it.
Tommy: Jimbo needs to chase a fucking treadmill.
Cut To Boardroom
Admin: Did you see that? The violence. And it only gets better.
Dick: That Taboo fella did get my attention.
Admin: Invest and we can do a crossover. He can be in some of your films. He would do it for free.
Texas Pete: Sure sure it’s been ok, but where is the hook?
Admin: Coming right now. In the main event.
Cut to the Stream
Jason Kel is in the alley behind the backyard ready to interview Olaf, the Hardcore Hobo. Olaf stops digging through the garbage and makes his way over next to Jason.
Jason: Ladies and gentlemen, I stand here with your City Champion, Olaf, the Hardcore Hobo! Olaf, at the end of last week’s episode, Vin E McDangerously took exception to you and assaulted you after your match. Now McDangerously is the special referee in your match tonight against Stretchnuts. Are you worried about impartiality tonight?
Olaf: Vinnie Mickey Deez made a huge mistake putting his hands on me! If he even dares fuck with me tonight, he’ll have to answer to me and Dean!
Jason: What about Stretchnuts? Are you confident that you can walk out of here still Champion?
Olaf: I gotta bone to pick with clown boy. See, I hate clowns. They creep me out. See, back when I was 6, my parents took me to the circus. They didn’t want to bother watching me so they left me in the clown tent and slipped the ringmaster a fiddy to look the other way. It was there I met Mr. Giggles. He came up to me and said, “I’m going to tongue punch your fart box, little boy.” And he did. So did Bubbles, and Little Joe and about a dozen others! I had so many clowns inside of me I could’ve been a clown car!
Jason: Good Lord!
Olaf: When I see Numbnuts, I don’t see Numbnuts; I see Mr. Giggles. And tonight, I’m going to tongue punch his fart box!!!
Nathan Doe: Oh wow. That. That is just morbidly obese.
harmonica music with railroad sounds spliced in. Olaf walks around the house with his coon friend and steps from behind the curtain. Championship around his waist.
Tommy: And here is our champion. But will he still be after the special referee is finished here?
Jason kel: And his opponent Stretchnuts.
Just Like That by ICP plays and Stretchnuts Runs to the yard through the entrance way grabbing his nuts and yelling obscenities.
Jason Kel: And the special Referee Vin E McDangerously
Out of the boombox plays Still Born by the Black Label Society. Instead of Vin E a man with dirty blonde hair and beard, standing at just above average height and wearing the most badass wolf shirt wal mart has to offer steps out from behind the curtain.
Nathan: Who is this?
Vin E walks out behind him wearing a white shirt spray painted with stripes.
Vin E: Cut the fucking music. Oh you thought I would come out here alone? Think again. This man.
Nathan: Man? Or Giant? HE has got to be 7 foot tall.
Vin E: This is The Big Boroski. He is just a taste of the muscle I have. I have this place surrounded.
Tommy: I am getting word that Boroski is a wrestler from another backyard fed in this region.
Vin E: So am I going to call this down the middle? You bet I am. But I am not risking Olaf getting handsy with me. Touch me even once and we will be roasting that Racoon on open fire. Now ring the bell.
Boroski silently talks the coon and Olaf yells at him. Stretchnuts Attacks from behind throwing some forearms that catch the champ off guard. While still behind he grabs Olaf and does a running bulldog. He pins him and Vin E hits the dirt as fast as possible goes for a fast count.
12thre
Olaf kicks out and Strethnuts continues to attack. Stomping on his arms and hands and then jumping and connecting with a leg drop. He covers again, and again Vin E counts fast.
12thre
Olaf kicks out. Vine Looks at Stretchnuts in disbelief.
Nathan Doe: So what the hell are we witnessing here? What is Vin E up to? Bringing rival wrestlers and trying to steal the title away from Olaf?
Stretchnuts puts Olaf in a headlock and squeezes until his eyes are nearly popping out of his head. Then Super kicks him from behind. Olaf falls and Stretchnuts covers him. Olaf kicks out before Vin E even gets to the ground. Vin E gets angry and slaps his hands loudly.
Stretchnuts lifts Olaf up and punches him a couple of times. Olaf swings back and his strikes connect. They share dueling punches and travel about the yard. Ending up at the alley. A car drives by and nearly hits them both. Olaf puts a thumb to the eye of Stretchnuts who winces in pain. As he turns Olaf lifts him for an inverted atomic drop.
Tommy: Making a comeback here.
Stretchnuts holds his back side in pain. Olaf grabs him by the dirty dreads and pulls him forcefully down the alley near Neds truck parked on the edge of the property. He whips him into the truck shattering the headlight.
Tommy: Ned’s going to be pissed.
Olaf picks kicks his head into the front tire steps back and does a running kick. Stretchnuts’ head bouncing off of the tire after. Olaf kicks him in the back and kidneys. He grabs him by his hair and lifts him. As Stretchnuts raises he throws an arm between the legs of Olaf with a hard lowblow. Then Slams Olaf face first into the tail gate of the truck. He does it again and again, a third time, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7, 8,9, and 10th. Olaf stumbles back.
Nathan Doe: And you know he has CRANIALITIS now!
Stretchnuts drop kicks Olaf and he slams into the truck. The juggalo then grabs and tosses him into the bed and jumps up into it with him. He picks Olaf up and smashes his head down onto the roof. Denting it. Olaf back elbows the clown into the gut a few times and slams his head into the already dented roof of the truck. HE headbutts him several times. They are now both loopy. Stretchnuts reaches out but Olaf kicks him in the dick, lifts him and power bombs him onto the roof the driver and passenger side windows shatter from impact.
Nathan/Tommy: Holy shit holy shit.
Suddenly Vin E’s henchman makes a move, Olaf having the higher ground makes him back off but the distraction is all Stretchnuts needs he tosses him off of the bed of the truck. Olaf hits the ground hard. Stretchnuts regains some composure. Vin E is screaming and gesturing to finish him.
Nathan: What happened to our impartial ref?
Big Boroski walks over with a chair and lays it down on Olaf. Stretchnuts screams
Stretchnuts: Fuck this shit.
Then leaps for the frog splash from the bed of the truck.
Tommy Victor: Down with the clown. Down with the clown.
Before impact Olaf throws the chair and it collides with the airborne stretchnuts, who collapses Vine E is furious. Big Boroski grabs Olaf around the neck. Vin E pulls a can of Faygo out of his pocket snaps it open and begins feeding the drink to the unconscious Juggalo. Suddenly Dean the Racoon is on top of Boroski who is wigging out and lets Olaf go.
Nathan: He could get rabies!
Tommy Victor: He seems like more of a bird person.
Stretchnuts has woken from the medicinal properties of Faygo Moon Mist and is to his feet charging Olaf as he reaches him The Hardcore Hobo turns filthy sock in hand and gives him the Hobo Handjob. Stretchnuts tries to escape, but falls flailing and taps out.
Nathan: And you can’t ignore a tap out! Vin E’s plans have gone down the shitter.
Vin E calls for the bell and slowly walks the City Championship to Olaf and reaches out. Olaf cautiously takes it.
Jason: And here is your winner and still the City Champ. Olaf, the Hardcore Hobo.
Vin E and Big Boroski slowly leave and Olaf celebrates in front of the gathering crowd of passer by.
Tommy: And that wraps up our second episode of exciting backyard action.
Nathan: Tune in next week folks. Same time, same streams. Follow us on social media and tweet during the show.
Stream ends. Cut To Board room.
Admin: That...That was good. I mean who wouldn’t want to invest, advertise and take advantage here?
He notices 90 percent of the business owners are gone. Some chairs still spinning from their exit. Remaining are Dick Little, Texas Pete and Engine Joe.
Texas Pete: I have some concerns we need to discuss before any deals are made. Why don’t the four of us go have a beer at the strip club?
Admin: I am not allowed in there anymore.
Dick Little: Don’t you worry, my cousin owns the joint.
They all leave and Admin breathes a sigh of relief.
The masked man known to the BWF only as “Admin” is in small board room. Assembled at a medium sized round table are several possible investors he has reached out to about the BWF. Among these shady businessmen are Dick Little of Pornhub fame, Chester Norington who runs a successful podcast channel online, used care sales rivals Texas Pete and Engine Joe, and some other notable local business owners.
The Admin is standing in front with his clipboard and a powerpoint presentation glowing on the wall.
Admin: So now that I have finished my presentation, my vision, stands to grow exponentially. What I need from you is a small investment that can be returned within mere months based on discussions I have had with Twitch, Tuned In, You Stream, Daily Motion, and Youtube Red.
Texas Pete: So you have a bunch of children, hooligans, losers, and literally homeless people fighting in a yard?
Admin: Wrestling, LIVE in real time. Performing death defying maneuvers.
Texas Pete: Kids and grown men without jobs I assume. For what purpose?
Admin: Pride. The City Championship. I certainly don’t pay them. See they aren’t employees so any injuries are not an insurance issue. They aren’t independent contractors because there is no financial gain here. It’s the pride of being the toughest men in town.
Dick Little: Hey, you sound familiar...Aren’t you that principal that got fired for recruiting teenagers to film independent movies after school?
Admin: That was a misunderstanding and my lawyer is still researching a defense.
Dick: Yeah, I knew it. You had that simulated rape scene with a 14 year old boy and a grown man in a monkey mask.
Admin: That was a beautifully shot sequence! Ruined by all of the nay sayers who don’t understand it was an artistic expression about societies views of the ever growing opiate addiction.
Engine Joe: So, to clarify you have started a backyard wrestling promotion. Are streaming live on social media and want us to invest money...For what?
Admin: Equipment. Microphones, better cameras. Drones filming the action from above. You see the action isn’t just in a yard. We have bouts all of the city. Around town, playgrounds. The entire city is our wrestling ring.
Engine Joe: And the police are ok with this?
Admin: Yet to be a problem as of now, and I am filing for permits.
Texas Pete: I just don’t know. I would have to see how many viewers there of this...Bumfight.
Admin: Numbers are growing. We are HUGE in China. Huge.
*stream ends as The Admin continues to speak with investors*
Cut to
Nathan Doe and Tommy Victor standing next to the house. Rory is looking on in terror from the window behind them.
Nathan Doe: Welcome to the second episode of Mischief!
Tommy Victor: Everyone said it would never happen. That it simply couldn’t be done. But here we are again. Two weeks into this exciting endeavor!
Nathan Doe: And last week was exciting. Crowning Olaf, The hardcore Hobo as our first City Champion but tonight he has to defend it.
Tommy Victor: But before the main event we have two matches before, featuring three new competitors. That’s right THREE.
Nathan Doe: We are growing like the herpes infection Tommy gave my mother last week!
Tommy Victor: And hopefully we are just as hard to get rid of.
Jason Kel walks into frame, rock band mic in hand.
Tommy Victor: Here’s this twat. Say something stupid Jason.
Jason Kel: And our first bout is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first. He is Maniac Mark.
“killing in The Name Of” blares for 20 seconds before “Maniac” Mark walks out and stands well more than shoulder width, almost a split, and puts his arms over his head to form an “X” before walking into the yard and getting ready for battle.
Tommy: Haha what an asshole he got Manic Marks name wrong.
Nathan: I think it is Maniac.
Tommy: Well we will get the monkeys in the back to check on that.
There’s a fumbling in the boombox as the cd is changed.
Jason Kel: And the opponent. Tinder Mahal!
Tommy: Two newcomers here.
The loud sound of glass shattering is heard followed by
I'm on tonight
You know my hips don't lie
And I'm starting to feel it's right
All the attraction, the tension
Don't you see, baby, this is perfection?
Tinder walks out from behind the curtain drapped between our house and the neighbors fence. Seductively and energetically thrusts and pivots his hips and crotch towards the camera and onlookers while pointing and gesturing for them to "cum get sum." Once in the yard "ring" he will go from corner to corner and blow kisses to EVERYONE in the crowd before doing a quick floss dance and then rolling onto his back and lifting his legs into the air in a "V" shape. Tinder and Maniac stare each other down while the anonymous masked referee checks them for weapons.
Tommy: Can someone tell this asshole we encourage weapons in backyard wrestling. Ring the damn bell.
The sound of clunking metal CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK signals the start of the match.
Tinder and Mark tie up. Mark being just a little bigger in size manages to lock Tinder in a headlock. Tinder pulls through and rolls out swinging behind and wrapping his arms around Mark’s waist. Mark uses strength to break the hold and swings around wrapping around Tinder himself.
Nathan Doe: Some excellent and unexpected chain wrestling going on here.
Tinder raises his hands to his head, elbows bent and begins to sway his waist grinding sexily on Mark who throws himself back in disgust. Tinder does a little Bollywood jig and Mark runs in attacking. Throwing a short arm clothesline but Tinder Ducks. He turns and Tinder hits him with a open hand bitch slap.
Tommy: He just swiped left on his ass.
He hits a few more bitch slaps.
Nathan: He is a premium member that means unlimited swipes.
Mark steps back and Tinder does even more taunting dancing some more and gesturing to the underage neighbor girl on her porch. Mark throws a toe kick that lands. Tunder is bent over and Maniac double axe handles him to the ground. He walks over to the small area by the cellar doors, the “production zone” and males Tommy and Nathan leave their chairs and takes. Them.
Nathan: Where are we going to sit now?
Tommy: I’d use your mothers face, but she isn’t here right now.
Maniac grabs both chairs, one in each hand and swings. Right, left, right left. Connecting with Tinder every time. He does this several more times. Tinder screams in pain with every blow. The chairs don’t even connect broadside but on the arc. Maniac Tosses them aside once he is satisfied with his destruction of the golden Punjab. He lifts him up throws an arm over his head and lifts him up vertically.
Nathan: And here is the Stalling suplex. Demonstrating his strength.
Tommy: And Tinder isn’t light. He weighs one hundred and eight point five kilograms for christ sakes.
Maniac finallys falls back suplexing Tinder not only to the ground but on top of the chairs. He covers him. The anon ref hits the dirt.
1
2
Kickout
Nathan: Tinder got the shoulders up.
Tommy: He does seem like a power bottom. It may be hard to pin him.
Maniac Mark lifts him again but Tinder rakes his eyes. Mark steps back in surprise and Tinder kicks him in the midsection and lifts him for a piledriver, but Mark powers up sending Tinder flipping onto the chairs.
Nathan: Landing back first onto those chairs.
Mark screams he has “Had enough” and signals he is going to finish the job.
Nathan: We may be seeing the Cure.
Tommy: Or possibly The Addiction.
Tinder slowly steps up and Mark moves in but as he reaches out Tinder grabs his brass mustache comb from his pocket and smashes him in the forehead with it. Mark drops to one knee. Tinder combs his moustache casually and swings again. The brass comb connecting again. The concussion from the assault makes Mark stand upright. And Tinder grabs him and swings into hooked leg neck breaker.
Nathan: Shake Rattle and bone.
He covers him. The ref hits the dirt.
1
2
3
Jason Kel: Here is your winner. Tinder Mahal
Shakira hits the boombox and Tinder dances for the neighbor girl.
Nathan: a Good debut for both, but Tinder gets the win.
Tommy: He has a future glittering gold here.
Cut To
The Admin is in the boardroom still. They are watching the show live. Tinder has just been escorted away from the underage neighbor girl.
Admin: You see, this is the real deal. REAL DEAl.
Texas Pete: Ok, OK you may be selling me. But I am not yet convinced.
Dick Little: Isn’t it true that there are other backyard feds in the area?
Admin: That is true and I do consider them competition, but frankly they don’t have my resources.
Engine Joe: Why is that?
Admin: Mainly because I am 35 years old and they are teenagers. But thar proves there is a market. IF you aren’t yet convinced lets keep watching. Dick You are gonna love Taboo.
Cut To Stream
Nathan: Oh my god. My stomach dude. I had this burrito last night. Im still shitting fire...And the next match is a triple threat.
Tommy: This should be a barnburner. A triple threat match. Returning from their losses last week are Taboo and Dillon the Villain. And debuting is Coach Jimbo.
Jason Kel: And introducing first.
Tommy: Boooo, boooo. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.
Jason Kel: Dillon the Villain.
One by Metallica plays. He walks out silent and focused.
Jason Kel: And next. He is TABOO.
Mr Crowley plays in the boombox and Taboo is lead out to the yard by Mitch Alfonos. Walking him with a leash.
Nathan Doe: Such Strange indivuals.
Jason kel: And last but not least. Making his BWF debut Coach Jimbo.
Some funbling of the boombox and then Cotton Eye Joe plays. Jimbo wlaks out trophy in hand.
Tommy Victor: I think that spandex has seen better days.
Nathan: Im not sure hes’ taken it off in 3o years.
The clunking of random items to signal the beginning of the match. Taboo and Dillon both attack the much larger man. Throwing strikes at him. Taboo kicks low. Dillon swings punches high. Jimbo seems to absorb them. And then strikes back with power. Kicking Taboo, he falls back several feet. And punching Dillon who falls on the way back onto Taboo. Jimbo is about to jump on top of them, but they both roll away. Jimbo stalls and poses with his cowboy hat instead. Dillon finds the chairs still in the yard from the previous match and tosses one to Taboo. They run over and swing. Jimbo takes both chair shots at the same time, taking a minor step back. Taboo goes to his him again but Jimbo punches the chair into Taboos face. Taboo falls down. Dillon
Nathan: What a powerful punch.
Dillon tries to swing the chair and hits Jimbo in the head. Knocking his cowboy hat off. Jimbo blinks and Dillon hits him again. Jimbo stutter steps. Dillon spins around trying to get as much momentum in his swing as possible and reaches out. Hitting Jimbo in the head again. He slowly leans backward after the impact. Finally dropping like a tree to the ground. Dillon pins.
1
2
Taboo breaks the pin and bites Dillon on the forehead. They trade punches and brawl. Dillon pokes Taboo in the eye. He spins around Dillon gives him a facebuster. Dillon stands up and screams as if he had just won. Mitch walks into the yard yelling at him. Dillon flips him off and throws the folding chair at him. Taboo sweeps Dillons legs out from underneath him and the knees his limbs one at a time.
Nathan: Looks like Jimbo is back on his feet.
Jimbo runs as fast as he can and uses his body to send Taboo flying forward. Taboo hits into the metal “T” used for hanging wet laundry outside. Jimbo jumps and splashes onto Dillon. He completely covers him with his mass. Leaving only Dillons feet visible and writing about. The masked ref hits the dirt.
1
2
Before the count of three everyone is distracted at the sound of the cellar door opening and Ned, the homeowner stepping out with weed whacker. Jimbo stands up looking confused.
Ned: God damn it. The only day without rain and you people are back.
He throws the weed whacker in anger and storms off into the house. JImbo still distracted is smacked in the head with Taboos chain and he wraps it around his neck choking him. Jimbo swings about trying to break free. Taboo holds on and is taken on a carnival ride. But Jimbo drops to his knees unable to breath. As Jimbo falls down unconscious the sounds of the weed whacker being turned on is heard. Dillon has it and ruins the cutting string over Taboos back. He runs away but Dillon chases him slashing through his shirt and spraying blood.
Nathan: That looks painful.
Tommy: It looks like Taboo may be enjoying it.
Taboo stops and takes the lashes, pinching his nipples and becoming erect. Dillons eyes widen.
Dillon: you’re a freak.
He lowers the whacker from his back to his ass. He jumps in the air holding on to his behind like a cartoon character. Dillon reaches out and hits him with a reverse twist of fate. Mitch is back interfering and Dillon grabs him by the collar. Jimbo is back and walking at break neck speed toward them. He throws Mitch backward into Jimbo. He bounces off him and goes back into Dillon. Dillon is leaning on the large “T” used for drying laundry. Jimbo collides with him bending the T like the leaning tower of Piza. Dillon falls lifeless. Taboo jumps up but Jimbo grabs him in a bear hug and belly to belly slams him. He pins.
1
2
3
Jason Kel: And here is your winner Coach Jimbo.
Nathan: Jimbo’s chase for glory proves to be worth it.
Tommy: Jimbo needs to chase a fucking treadmill.
Cut To Boardroom
Admin: Did you see that? The violence. And it only gets better.
Dick: That Taboo fella did get my attention.
Admin: Invest and we can do a crossover. He can be in some of your films. He would do it for free.
Texas Pete: Sure sure it’s been ok, but where is the hook?
Admin: Coming right now. In the main event.
Cut to the Stream
Jason Kel is in the alley behind the backyard ready to interview Olaf, the Hardcore Hobo. Olaf stops digging through the garbage and makes his way over next to Jason.
Jason: Ladies and gentlemen, I stand here with your City Champion, Olaf, the Hardcore Hobo! Olaf, at the end of last week’s episode, Vin E McDangerously took exception to you and assaulted you after your match. Now McDangerously is the special referee in your match tonight against Stretchnuts. Are you worried about impartiality tonight?
Olaf: Vinnie Mickey Deez made a huge mistake putting his hands on me! If he even dares fuck with me tonight, he’ll have to answer to me and Dean!
Jason: What about Stretchnuts? Are you confident that you can walk out of here still Champion?
Olaf: I gotta bone to pick with clown boy. See, I hate clowns. They creep me out. See, back when I was 6, my parents took me to the circus. They didn’t want to bother watching me so they left me in the clown tent and slipped the ringmaster a fiddy to look the other way. It was there I met Mr. Giggles. He came up to me and said, “I’m going to tongue punch your fart box, little boy.” And he did. So did Bubbles, and Little Joe and about a dozen others! I had so many clowns inside of me I could’ve been a clown car!
Jason: Good Lord!
Olaf: When I see Numbnuts, I don’t see Numbnuts; I see Mr. Giggles. And tonight, I’m going to tongue punch his fart box!!!
Nathan Doe: Oh wow. That. That is just morbidly obese.
harmonica music with railroad sounds spliced in. Olaf walks around the house with his coon friend and steps from behind the curtain. Championship around his waist.
Tommy: And here is our champion. But will he still be after the special referee is finished here?
Jason kel: And his opponent Stretchnuts.
Just Like That by ICP plays and Stretchnuts Runs to the yard through the entrance way grabbing his nuts and yelling obscenities.
Jason Kel: And the special Referee Vin E McDangerously
Out of the boombox plays Still Born by the Black Label Society. Instead of Vin E a man with dirty blonde hair and beard, standing at just above average height and wearing the most badass wolf shirt wal mart has to offer steps out from behind the curtain.
Nathan: Who is this?
Vin E walks out behind him wearing a white shirt spray painted with stripes.
Vin E: Cut the fucking music. Oh you thought I would come out here alone? Think again. This man.
Nathan: Man? Or Giant? HE has got to be 7 foot tall.
Vin E: This is The Big Boroski. He is just a taste of the muscle I have. I have this place surrounded.
Tommy: I am getting word that Boroski is a wrestler from another backyard fed in this region.
Vin E: So am I going to call this down the middle? You bet I am. But I am not risking Olaf getting handsy with me. Touch me even once and we will be roasting that Racoon on open fire. Now ring the bell.
Boroski silently talks the coon and Olaf yells at him. Stretchnuts Attacks from behind throwing some forearms that catch the champ off guard. While still behind he grabs Olaf and does a running bulldog. He pins him and Vin E hits the dirt as fast as possible goes for a fast count.
12thre
Olaf kicks out and Strethnuts continues to attack. Stomping on his arms and hands and then jumping and connecting with a leg drop. He covers again, and again Vin E counts fast.
12thre
Olaf kicks out. Vine Looks at Stretchnuts in disbelief.
Nathan Doe: So what the hell are we witnessing here? What is Vin E up to? Bringing rival wrestlers and trying to steal the title away from Olaf?
Stretchnuts puts Olaf in a headlock and squeezes until his eyes are nearly popping out of his head. Then Super kicks him from behind. Olaf falls and Stretchnuts covers him. Olaf kicks out before Vin E even gets to the ground. Vin E gets angry and slaps his hands loudly.
Stretchnuts lifts Olaf up and punches him a couple of times. Olaf swings back and his strikes connect. They share dueling punches and travel about the yard. Ending up at the alley. A car drives by and nearly hits them both. Olaf puts a thumb to the eye of Stretchnuts who winces in pain. As he turns Olaf lifts him for an inverted atomic drop.
Tommy: Making a comeback here.
Stretchnuts holds his back side in pain. Olaf grabs him by the dirty dreads and pulls him forcefully down the alley near Neds truck parked on the edge of the property. He whips him into the truck shattering the headlight.
Tommy: Ned’s going to be pissed.
Olaf picks kicks his head into the front tire steps back and does a running kick. Stretchnuts’ head bouncing off of the tire after. Olaf kicks him in the back and kidneys. He grabs him by his hair and lifts him. As Stretchnuts raises he throws an arm between the legs of Olaf with a hard lowblow. Then Slams Olaf face first into the tail gate of the truck. He does it again and again, a third time, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7, 8,9, and 10th. Olaf stumbles back.
Nathan Doe: And you know he has CRANIALITIS now!
Stretchnuts drop kicks Olaf and he slams into the truck. The juggalo then grabs and tosses him into the bed and jumps up into it with him. He picks Olaf up and smashes his head down onto the roof. Denting it. Olaf back elbows the clown into the gut a few times and slams his head into the already dented roof of the truck. HE headbutts him several times. They are now both loopy. Stretchnuts reaches out but Olaf kicks him in the dick, lifts him and power bombs him onto the roof the driver and passenger side windows shatter from impact.
Nathan/Tommy: Holy shit holy shit.
Suddenly Vin E’s henchman makes a move, Olaf having the higher ground makes him back off but the distraction is all Stretchnuts needs he tosses him off of the bed of the truck. Olaf hits the ground hard. Stretchnuts regains some composure. Vin E is screaming and gesturing to finish him.
Nathan: What happened to our impartial ref?
Big Boroski walks over with a chair and lays it down on Olaf. Stretchnuts screams
Stretchnuts: Fuck this shit.
Then leaps for the frog splash from the bed of the truck.
Tommy Victor: Down with the clown. Down with the clown.
Before impact Olaf throws the chair and it collides with the airborne stretchnuts, who collapses Vine E is furious. Big Boroski grabs Olaf around the neck. Vin E pulls a can of Faygo out of his pocket snaps it open and begins feeding the drink to the unconscious Juggalo. Suddenly Dean the Racoon is on top of Boroski who is wigging out and lets Olaf go.
Nathan: He could get rabies!
Tommy Victor: He seems like more of a bird person.
Stretchnuts has woken from the medicinal properties of Faygo Moon Mist and is to his feet charging Olaf as he reaches him The Hardcore Hobo turns filthy sock in hand and gives him the Hobo Handjob. Stretchnuts tries to escape, but falls flailing and taps out.
Nathan: And you can’t ignore a tap out! Vin E’s plans have gone down the shitter.
Vin E calls for the bell and slowly walks the City Championship to Olaf and reaches out. Olaf cautiously takes it.
Jason: And here is your winner and still the City Champ. Olaf, the Hardcore Hobo.
Vin E and Big Boroski slowly leave and Olaf celebrates in front of the gathering crowd of passer by.
Tommy: And that wraps up our second episode of exciting backyard action.
Nathan: Tune in next week folks. Same time, same streams. Follow us on social media and tweet during the show.
Stream ends. Cut To Board room.
Admin: That...That was good. I mean who wouldn’t want to invest, advertise and take advantage here?
He notices 90 percent of the business owners are gone. Some chairs still spinning from their exit. Remaining are Dick Little, Texas Pete and Engine Joe.
Texas Pete: I have some concerns we need to discuss before any deals are made. Why don’t the four of us go have a beer at the strip club?
Admin: I am not allowed in there anymore.
Dick Little: Don’t you worry, my cousin owns the joint.
They all leave and Admin breathes a sigh of relief.