Post by TinderMahal on Jun 23, 2019 18:29:37 GMT -5
***Camera cuts around the corner of a 7/11 to Tinder Mahal standing on his cellphone. Wearing his normal street attire of hippie sandals, a golden robe and knockoff Gucci sunglasses.
Tinder: Hello... Yes this is Microsoft support. Josh speaking.
***A pause occurs as the caller speaks to Tinder.
Tinder: No ma'am. This is Josh with Microsoft support. It has been found that you have a "wirus" on your network firewall.
Tinder: This could be due to you viewing couponing sites or pornographic material.
***Caller seems to become angry.
Tinder: Ma'am, Ma'am please calm down. I am a Microsoft certified technician. I am able to install a firewall on your computer to protect you from hackers.
Tinder: For the low, low price of $399 for 5 years or for the price of $999 for a lifetime subscription I can make sure that the hackers are never able to install a "wirus" on your network again.
Tinder: Yes, Ma'am. This is a one time fix from Microsoft. As I am employee with Microsoft.
***The camera slowly backs up to put Tinder in full view. Golden chains blaze in the sunlight.
Tinder: Ma'am. Please calm down. Hey, there Delilah was my favorite song. Can I call you Delilah?
***Tinder pulls the phone away from his face as distance screaming is heard from the phone.
Tinder: Ma'am. All I need is a one time payment of $999 to ensure that no pornographic material is discovered by the FBI.
***The camera man coughs and alerts Tinder Mahal to his presence.
Tinder (looking at camera man): Sir! What is this?! How dare you follow me?! I am working my day job!
Tinder: You have no right to be here right now.
Tinder: Don't give me that look... I'll smack that smile off your face as quick as a Punjab prison would!
***Camera man slowly backs away, but trips and falls on one of Leechburg's many dilapidated sidewalks.
***Tinder grabs the 80s Panasonic camera out of the camera man's hands.
(Looking directly into the camera).
Tinder: This is blasphemy. The utterance of DEGENERACY. NO DIGNITY.
Tinder: In my country you had some respect for those performing their daily duties...
Tinder: I had two plans for tonight. One was to go to the Buckle and purchase all the Ed Hardy that this meager backyard wrestling salary could provide!
Tinder: Second plan was to have THE sex with your mother.
Tinder: KEEP THIS SHIT OUT OF FACE.
***Tinder throws the bulky camera back at the camera man.
(Barely in frame anymore) Tinder (to lady still on the phone): Listen here you bitch. I don't have time for this. This is day job for me! I am Microsoft support and I will report you to the FDA for viewing pornographic material on your laptop. You're family will be forever embarrassed and shamed. You will no longer want to live here! Mark my words, lower Caste. When I hoist that title above my beautifully hairy chest!... I shall declare myself the SLUMDOG MUStACHIONAIRE.
***Tinder slowly glances towards the camera with a smirk on his face.
Tinder: Just as those skinny boys and fat slobs who enter this yard will feel after i'm done with them.
Tinder: Not only are you at the bottom, I am about to make sure that you aren't even a part of the Caste system ANYMORE.
***Tinder tosses his 2001 Nokia across the street which immediately bounces off of a car. The phone is unharmed. It's Nokia, afterall.
***Tinder climbs into his BMW and peels out, losing his bumper in the process.
***As the camera fades, a tanned, curry-stained middle finger protrudes from the window.
***A distant shout of: MUSTACHIO RAJAA can be heard slowly fading out underneath the annoyingly loud buzz of a non-existent muffler and the shrill sound of transmission about to fail.
Tinder: Hello... Yes this is Microsoft support. Josh speaking.
***A pause occurs as the caller speaks to Tinder.
Tinder: No ma'am. This is Josh with Microsoft support. It has been found that you have a "wirus" on your network firewall.
Tinder: This could be due to you viewing couponing sites or pornographic material.
***Caller seems to become angry.
Tinder: Ma'am, Ma'am please calm down. I am a Microsoft certified technician. I am able to install a firewall on your computer to protect you from hackers.
Tinder: For the low, low price of $399 for 5 years or for the price of $999 for a lifetime subscription I can make sure that the hackers are never able to install a "wirus" on your network again.
Tinder: Yes, Ma'am. This is a one time fix from Microsoft. As I am employee with Microsoft.
***The camera slowly backs up to put Tinder in full view. Golden chains blaze in the sunlight.
Tinder: Ma'am. Please calm down. Hey, there Delilah was my favorite song. Can I call you Delilah?
***Tinder pulls the phone away from his face as distance screaming is heard from the phone.
Tinder: Ma'am. All I need is a one time payment of $999 to ensure that no pornographic material is discovered by the FBI.
***The camera man coughs and alerts Tinder Mahal to his presence.
Tinder (looking at camera man): Sir! What is this?! How dare you follow me?! I am working my day job!
Tinder: You have no right to be here right now.
Tinder: Don't give me that look... I'll smack that smile off your face as quick as a Punjab prison would!
***Camera man slowly backs away, but trips and falls on one of Leechburg's many dilapidated sidewalks.
***Tinder grabs the 80s Panasonic camera out of the camera man's hands.
(Looking directly into the camera).
Tinder: This is blasphemy. The utterance of DEGENERACY. NO DIGNITY.
Tinder: In my country you had some respect for those performing their daily duties...
Tinder: I had two plans for tonight. One was to go to the Buckle and purchase all the Ed Hardy that this meager backyard wrestling salary could provide!
Tinder: Second plan was to have THE sex with your mother.
Tinder: KEEP THIS SHIT OUT OF FACE.
***Tinder throws the bulky camera back at the camera man.
(Barely in frame anymore) Tinder (to lady still on the phone): Listen here you bitch. I don't have time for this. This is day job for me! I am Microsoft support and I will report you to the FDA for viewing pornographic material on your laptop. You're family will be forever embarrassed and shamed. You will no longer want to live here! Mark my words, lower Caste. When I hoist that title above my beautifully hairy chest!... I shall declare myself the SLUMDOG MUStACHIONAIRE.
***Tinder slowly glances towards the camera with a smirk on his face.
Tinder: Just as those skinny boys and fat slobs who enter this yard will feel after i'm done with them.
Tinder: Not only are you at the bottom, I am about to make sure that you aren't even a part of the Caste system ANYMORE.
***Tinder tosses his 2001 Nokia across the street which immediately bounces off of a car. The phone is unharmed. It's Nokia, afterall.
***Tinder climbs into his BMW and peels out, losing his bumper in the process.
***As the camera fades, a tanned, curry-stained middle finger protrudes from the window.
***A distant shout of: MUSTACHIO RAJAA can be heard slowly fading out underneath the annoyingly loud buzz of a non-existent muffler and the shrill sound of transmission about to fail.