Post by TinderMahal on Jul 1, 2019 13:30:02 GMT -5
*** Scene opens at a no-name, discount Party decoration warehouse. The linoleum floors are cracked and dirty, the decorations consisting of sun-stained balloons and old Toy Story pinatas hang in the background.
*** The camera pans to the right and Tinder Mahal is seen standing in his normal attire; Jesus sandals, a yellow, bedazzled Vneck, profuse gold chains hanging from around his neck, shit-eating smirk adorning his caramel-tinted face. Gucci sunglasses, poppin'.
*** Tinder turns to address the paparazzi, as he's turning, his arm strikes the 2 for 50 cents Disney's Frozen glasses, sending them on a spiral to imminent ruin - smashing with an echo that would fill a Bollywood brothel.
Tinder: Delete that! I did nothing. It wasn't me.
*** Camera man showing little interest.
Tinder: I have been assaulted in this place of business as I attempt to seek out the proper decorations for my anointment as the RIGHTFUL City champion.
Tinder: The MAHA RAJAA of Backyard Wrestling!
Tinder: The GANDHI of Lawn Abuse!
Tinder: The...
Tinder: The... *hmm*
*** Tinder closes his eyes and angles his greased-hair laden head to the side as he attempts to conjure another line.
Tinder: THE BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM of the PATIO ENTERTAINMENT WORLD!
*** Tinder: Immediately tosses his arms into the air, hitting them off glass vases with adorations of Disney's Frozen's Elsa, immediately causing them to explode into a shimmering crystal "rainfall" which encompasses Tinder.
*** As Tinder drops to his knees to take his place as the anointed one, he shouts:
Tinder: All fall before me, as I do... to your knees! LIKE YOUR MOTHER DOES EVERY NIGHT!
Tinder: Once I take my rightful place in the yard, you will all send me the finest BOB AND VAGEEN photos that the world has ever seen!
*** By this point the store manager has realized what is going on and is currently on the phone with the local police department. The cameraman alerts Tinder to this digression.
Tinder: How dare they... do they not know WHO the MAHA RAJAA of Online Dating is!?
Tinder: I've never been so insulted in my life... aside from that time that kid mistook me for a 7/11 owner.
*** Tinder quickly swipes some streamers and confetti into his undergarments and quickly makes a leap towards the exit, fumbling for the keys to his burnt-out Beemer.
*** As Tinder swings open the rusty door to his car, he shoves the cameraman back with his foot to prevent him from making an escape as well.
Tinder: I have two things to say before I make my way to Monday Mischief.
Tinder: I hope they let you (the cameraman) go.
Tinder: Also, in the words of a Disney legend: You will all have to LET IT GOOOOO LET IT GOOOOOO TINDER IS THE CHAMPIOOOOOOOOOO!
*** Tinder slams the door and flips off the cameraman. He then proceeds to peel out of the parking lot, losing his bumper in the process.
*** The scene fades with the sound of backfire and police sirens approaching. Light weeping is heard from the cameraman.
*** The camera pans to the right and Tinder Mahal is seen standing in his normal attire; Jesus sandals, a yellow, bedazzled Vneck, profuse gold chains hanging from around his neck, shit-eating smirk adorning his caramel-tinted face. Gucci sunglasses, poppin'.
*** Tinder turns to address the paparazzi, as he's turning, his arm strikes the 2 for 50 cents Disney's Frozen glasses, sending them on a spiral to imminent ruin - smashing with an echo that would fill a Bollywood brothel.
Tinder: Delete that! I did nothing. It wasn't me.
*** Camera man showing little interest.
Tinder: I have been assaulted in this place of business as I attempt to seek out the proper decorations for my anointment as the RIGHTFUL City champion.
Tinder: The MAHA RAJAA of Backyard Wrestling!
Tinder: The GANDHI of Lawn Abuse!
Tinder: The...
Tinder: The... *hmm*
*** Tinder closes his eyes and angles his greased-hair laden head to the side as he attempts to conjure another line.
Tinder: THE BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM of the PATIO ENTERTAINMENT WORLD!
*** Tinder: Immediately tosses his arms into the air, hitting them off glass vases with adorations of Disney's Frozen's Elsa, immediately causing them to explode into a shimmering crystal "rainfall" which encompasses Tinder.
*** As Tinder drops to his knees to take his place as the anointed one, he shouts:
Tinder: All fall before me, as I do... to your knees! LIKE YOUR MOTHER DOES EVERY NIGHT!
Tinder: Once I take my rightful place in the yard, you will all send me the finest BOB AND VAGEEN photos that the world has ever seen!
*** By this point the store manager has realized what is going on and is currently on the phone with the local police department. The cameraman alerts Tinder to this digression.
Tinder: How dare they... do they not know WHO the MAHA RAJAA of Online Dating is!?
Tinder: I've never been so insulted in my life... aside from that time that kid mistook me for a 7/11 owner.
*** Tinder quickly swipes some streamers and confetti into his undergarments and quickly makes a leap towards the exit, fumbling for the keys to his burnt-out Beemer.
*** As Tinder swings open the rusty door to his car, he shoves the cameraman back with his foot to prevent him from making an escape as well.
Tinder: I have two things to say before I make my way to Monday Mischief.
Tinder: I hope they let you (the cameraman) go.
Tinder: Also, in the words of a Disney legend: You will all have to LET IT GOOOOO LET IT GOOOOOO TINDER IS THE CHAMPIOOOOOOOOOO!
*** Tinder slams the door and flips off the cameraman. He then proceeds to peel out of the parking lot, losing his bumper in the process.
*** The scene fades with the sound of backfire and police sirens approaching. Light weeping is heard from the cameraman.