Post by Admin on Jul 2, 2019 17:15:06 GMT -5
The sound of an eagle screeching is heard as it sours the sky. A finely dressed Native American of middle age walks in front of his used car lot. "Engine Joe's" he removes a cowboy hat and reveals an indian head dress. Behind his thick framed glasses is some faint war paint. Make up from last night or just enough to get away with during the work day? We will never know.
Engine Joe: How.......Are you doing? How.......Is you current used car treating you? I know that it can be difficult to admit when the vehicle that you love is ready to move on to the world beyond, but I am here to help guide you. Guide you on your spiritual journey to a new used car. I will personally lay my ear to the ground and hunt the right deal for you. So come on down to Engine Joe's. Any purchase's made before July 17th ear you a free Elizabeth Warren in my Hotame T shirt.
The ad ends and Nathan Doe and Tommy Victor are standing yards side.
Nathan Doe: Welcome, welcome to Mischief, a day later than usual, but we are here.
Tommy Victor: Yes unfortunately we were pre empted this week by Ned's insistence on doing yard work this week. Like any one gives a shit about a Coy pond.
Nathan Doe: And it seems like today, may have been an unlucky day to host the event, as the po po fuzz fuzz are all over town. But Rain or Sleet or five-0 the BWF delivers, as scheduled. Hard, fast, and neck breaking action.
TOmmy Victor: Exactly how I deliver to Nathan's mother.
Nathan Doe: Moving on to the first match.
Jason Kel steps out not with a rock band microphone, but a cheap karaoke machine mic. Likewise to the one prior, still no audio enhancement.
Jason Kel: Introducing first, Dillon the Villain.
The Boombox is surprisingly on cue as Metallica hits. "One" plays as Dillon walks emotionless to the yard.
Nathan Doe: I made the same face last night after eating some of those Burrito's
Tommy Victor: But Dillon shouldn't look so emotionless. Last time we saw him he was happy as Nathan's mom's clam when I was finished with her. Grinning ear to ear while sweating near a fan.
Nathan Doe: Picking up that victory last week did a lot for his confidence. We have to see how things shape up this week.
"Hokus Pokus" begins to play.
Jason Kel: And the opponent, Stretchnuts
Tommy: That's the wrong fucking song.
Nathan Doe: This is the most bush league bullshit. No Juggalo would use this for entrance music.
A clicking of the boombox leads to Just like that plays. Stretchnuts comes out pissed as fuck. He has a 12 pak of 6 oz Moon Myst. He chugs a can and throws it at the production patio.
Nathan: They deserved that one.
Tommy: How about on that isn't open. I am a little parched.
Stretch and Dil tie up. Dil grabs Stretchnuts and Irish whips him. He runs until losing momentum and turns around to look at Dillon confused.
Nathan: That may have been a little more effective if you know they were in a ring.
Stetchnuts flips Dillon off and runs back toward him. He jumps for a running drop kick but Dillon side steps. The clown hits the ground hard. Dillon stomps on him then falls down with some knee drops.
Nathan Doe: Those are fantastic knee drops.
Dillon swings his leg over and is prone on top, mounted and punching Stretchnuts.
Tommy: Both of Th4e Villain's fist appear to be down with the clown right now.
Dillon covers and the masked referee counts.
1
2
kick out.
Stretchnuts kicks out with force. Dillon gets angry and starts throwing more blows. Elbows and forearms. Then instead of covering he wraps his arms around and puts Stretchnuts into a sleeper hold.
Tommy: And this is really brilliant. Stretchnuts is already grounded. And probably a little concussed. Throwing him into a sleeper hold could win this match.
Nathan: Is..IS this the first submission attempt on BWF? Dillon has made history! A historic attempt to win a match! History!
TOmmy: ok Michael Cole shut the fuck up.
The referee inspects Stretchnuts. His conscience seems to be waning. He reaches out and grabs his arm. Lifting it, it drops and lay motionless. He does it again.
Nathan: If it falls a third this match has been won.
Stretchnuts grabs a 4 0z can of faygo that was stashed away for later. As his arm is raised a third, and potentially final time he smashes the can into Dillon's face. The can ruptures from impact and begins spraying. Stetchnuts shotguns it and seems to get his strength back. Dillon is busted open from the can and is bleeding.
Tommy: And like a shark sensing blood in the water Stretchnuts looks like he is going in for the kill.
Stretchnuts grabs his trusty rubber hammer and swings at the open wound on Dillon's face and explodes it further. Dillon falls to the ground. legs bent underneath looking like a fail old salty pretzel. Stretchnuts looks at him, knowing the match is over and screams "No". He walks around the house grabbing ply wood and two burn barrels. He sets the ply wood up on them to create a table. Then he reaches into the shed near the production patio and drags out a 20 foot ladder. The ladder is leaned against the large clothesline "T" and then rolls the lifeless Dillon on top of the make shift table.
Nathan: This doesn't look good from Dillon's view.
Tommy: The back of his eye lids or the maniac clown about to put him through that table?
Stretchnuts climbs up as far as he can, then proceeds to climb down four rungs deciding a more comfortable spot to leap from isn't that high off of the ground.
Stretchnuts: This is for all of the Jugaalos and Juggaletes. Today I am jumping frog splash on this dipshit moron. Don't try this at home. Woopwoop. Fuck this shit.
He leaps for a down with the clown, but before impact Maniac mark comes out of nowhere and shoves Dillon out of the way. Stretchnuts goes through the table and hits the ground hard.
Tommy: What in the hell is going on? Why is Manic Mark here?
Mark grabs the out cold clown and lifts him up then powerbombs him onto the grass. A poof of dirt erupts under him. Dillon climbs on the ladder and leaps with a fragile looking shooting star press. It barely connects but it does. And Maniac Mark makes sure Dillon is pinning Stretchnuts.
1
2
3
Mark lifts Dillon by his waist band and tosses him into the neighboring property. Mark turns to Stretchnuts who is beginning to move and then grabs one of the burn barrels and slams it down onto him. It dents and rolls next to the clown. Mark takes a large towel out from his pants and wraps it around Stretchnuts head then grabs a 2 liter of Rock n Rye, opens it and the pours it onto the towel. Water boarding the juggalo with Faygo.
Nathan: And he is a maniac, maniac, maniac, on the run and he's wa-ter-boar-ding a jug-alo
Stretchnuts writhes and gasps. Once Mark is finished he rips the hatchetman jersey off of Stretchnuts back and takes a lighter, ignites it then burns the shirt.
Tommy: I don't know where this Mark came from, who he thinks he is. If he is Manic or Maniac, but I do know this. That jersey will never be the same again. He has lit the hatchetman on fire.
Mark lifts Stretchnuts and hits him with "The Cure" and rolls him out of the yard then takes Jason Kel's karaoke mic.
Mark: You know this shit doesn't work right? It's not plugged in. Fuck it. I told you Rock n Rye was the best. I told you. Look at you know. Coach Jimbo and Taboo are about 5 minutes from looking the same. So lets get this going.
Cotton Eye Joe begins playing and Coach Jimbo waddles to the ring. Then "Mr. Crowley" plays and Taboo walks out, chained around the neck led like a dog by Mitch Alfonso. Before the match can begin, the basement door opens up. And NEd walks out. Shirtless, his long gray hair pulled back into a pony tail. His old jeans look nearly acid wash from use.
Ned: I told you fuckers I don't want this shit happening here. I see what you did to my truck. Look at my fucking truck. I wanna know which one of you little fuckers did that.
Everyone in unison points to Coach Jimbo, who looks around, and behind him to see who they are pointing to. Ned screams and then chases Jimbo off down the street. Taboo goes in for an attack on Mark who is caught off guard. Taboo runs and rolls onto his knee. A classic taboo assault.
Nathan: Using all of his body weight to destroy the base of the bigger man.
Tommy: A more accurate summarization of Taboo has never been spoken.
Taboo does a stalling elbow drop onto Mark. Rushes back to his feet and follows up with another. Then a standing leg drop. Taboo unhooks the chain around his neck and Mitch screams at him from the production patio. Instructing him to choke Mark. He instead whips it across Marks chest. He rolls in pain then Taboo whips it across his back. Again he rolls and again he is whipped. Taboo wraps the chain around his own knee then leaps for a knee drop. Mark rolls out of the way and Taboos knee, surrounding in chain link, smashes into the ground. Mark gets up and short arm clothelines Taboo to the ground.
Nathan: Mark making a comeback, meanwhile Jimbo is nowhere to be found.
Mark lifts Taboo up and walks him over to the burn barrel that was laying from the assault moments earlier and DDt's him into it. He covers.
1
He stands up from the pin when he see's Mitch making his way over. Mitch yells at him, but is surprised when Mark grabs him around the throat and choke slams him onto the chain that fell from around Taboos knee. Mark turns around and Taboo swings at him. Maniac ducks grabs him just perfectly for a Cure and slams him down with the maneuver. He covers him.
1
2
3
Jason Kel: HEre is your winner. Maniac Mark.
Tommy: And Mark looks like a complete beast.
Nathan: But look Stretchnuts is back to his feet.
The juggalo is barely walking, but walking nontheless. He has bessie the barbed wire bat. Mark catches sight of this but it's just too late. Stretchnuts swings and connects. Then peels it off of him, gushing skin and blood and does it again. and again. Mark is crawling away the best he can but the Juggalo continues to hit his mark.
Nathan: Payback is a bitch, as they, the ICP often say.
Stretchnuts reaches in to his pocket where a lighter of his own. One with a mushroom farm image on it, and lights the bat on fire. The flame becomes stronger and stretchnuts drops it into the second, still standing burn barrel. Mark looks up in agony as his beloved weapon burns in the flames. Just then Coach Jimbo still evading Ned is seen on the roof. Ned in tow, Jimbo backs up begging for his life. Ned draws back to swing but Jimbo bends down and motions that he will in fact suck his dick to leave him alone. Ned grabs him by the head and waist and tosses him off of the first story roof.
Nathan Doe: Was that a UFO?
Tommy: Yes, an Un-fuckable Orfice.
Nathan: Amidst all of this chaos and mayhem we still have a title match. Now this is an around town match that means they can literally go anywhere. And the are actually not here. We have cameramen on the scene...
Tinder and Olaf are squaring up at the vacant K mart parking lot.
Tommy: How crazy are these two fighting there during peak hours!
Tinder gestures with crotch and Olaf then gestures with his mouth. Tinder stops immediately and gets angry. He runs at Olaf, but Olaf pokes him in the eye then kicks him in the ass. Tinder flies into the carts in the cart carrell. Olaf gets an idea and throws him into a cart and bgins pushing it jackass style at one of the few cars in the lot. Tinder begins praying to the sky before the impact. The cart hits the car which launches Tinder over it, flipping onto the other side down onto the pavement. He dry humps the air in pain.
Nathan: That is an old guru trick to send the pain felt in the body the universe.
Olaf crawls under the car and gets next to Tinder and bites his ear. Tinder smacks him away then rolls to his feet. Olaf hits him with a clothesline, that doesn't knock him to the ground but sends him back to the carts. Tinder tries to escape by climbing into another cart. HE realizes his mistake when Olaf grabs the handle the runs, forcing the cart to gain speed. Olaf leaps and puts his foot onto the bar and scoots it along faster and faster. They are at the edge of parking lot, near the back of the building. Olaf climbs in and wails on Tinder.
The cart leaves the parking lot, both wrestlers riding in it swinging at each other and falls down a large hill. they sled down for most of the journey before hitting a rock and soaring out, then both rolling down the hill. They each take several minutes to stand up and are now in the middle of down town. Tinder grabs trash can lid and smacks Olaf with it. Olaf stumbles back into the wall of a bar, called "Dizz's" Tinder kicks him and Olaf falls through the door. All of the bar patrons turn their heads and watch as Tinder lifts Olaf onto the pool table.
Tinder grabs a pool que and breaks it over Olaf's back. A bald, bearded poser in a eagles Jersey yells.
Bald bearded poser in eagles jersey: What the fuck are you doing? I'll shoot you with my gun. I obviously have a permit to carry and am a heavy drinker. You can tell by how big my dick is. Don't you see you're fucking with the wrong...
Tinder grabs his junk and shakes it at the poser.
Bald bearded poser in eagles jersey: Let's go Ben this place is fucking gay.
The poser and his friend Ben, probably an equally big poser leave.
Olaf grabs an 8 ball and hits Tinder with it. Tinder stumbles so far he falls out of the back door of the bar and they are near the overpass/bridge.
Nathan: And now it seems that we are in Olaf's backyard. Olaf picks tinder up and slams him onto a milk crate. It busts and Tinder praises the Bhuddah in pain.
Olaf kicks him in the ribs and he rolls close to the river. Tinder grabs a river rock and throws it at Olaf. Olaf ducks but gets kicked in the groin. Olaf grabs a beer bottle from off the ground and swings, breaking it over Tinder's head. He covers.
1
2
Kickout. Tinder rolls free and pokes both of Olaf's eyes. HE sees a scooter in the yard of low in come housing projects and grabs it and begins to flee. Olaf grabs a toddler bike and follows. They weave in and out fo traffic passed the sunoco and the school and Tinder has lead him back to the Yard.
Nathan: And the match at least for now has returned to the back yard. Tinder steps onto the property and tosses the scooter down between he and Olaf. Olaf swerves to miss the scooter and wrecks the toddler bike. Tinder see's his favorite fan on her porch next door and begins jig and point to all of his fantastic gold jewelry.
Olaf comes at him Tinder. Tinder tries to low blow again but Olaf moves out of the way and smacks him with his bindle several times. Tinder falls down and reaches into the wreckage from match before and grabs some broken ply wood and throws it at Olaf. It connects and cuts Olaf open. The blood in his eyes distracts him long enough for Tinder to grab what was left of the barbed wire bat from the other barrel and swings it at Olaf. It sticks to Olafs back and he swings at Tinder. Tinder falls backward and finds himself leaning against the ladder, that is also leaning on the clothesline T.
Olaf runs at him, jumps and turns landing backward into Tinder. Smashing both of them with the barbed wire bat between them. They are stuck together now. Tinder kicks Olaf forward and the barbs pull free from Tinder. Tinder takes a few steps back against the fence. Olaf runs and attempts a spear but Tinder turns away. Olaf sends himself right through the fence and into the neighbors yard. The girl watching on the porch looks a little scared.
Tinder follows olaf and lifts him for a shake rattle and bone. HE covers.
1
2
thr
Woopwoopwoop
Tinder is lifted off of Olaf by a police officer. Another grabs olaf, while others shake down the yard. Chief Deebolt walks over.
Deebolt: I told that faggy little clown that I was gonna shut you fuckers down. So here I am. What's wrong with you people? This all you got to do? This is what you have done with your time? Backyard wrestling at the former principals house? Now I have come here and deal with you instead of selling drugs at the volley ball game after school. We are shutting this down.
Tinder and olaf are handcuffed and put into the car. Nathan and Tommy have retreated into the corner of the patio. Deebolt leans into Tinders ear and whispers.
Deebolt: That's my pussy over there on that porch. Keep it up and this night stick will be so far up your ass you will choke on it.
They put them into the car and drive away.
nathan: I...I don't know what to say exactly. This is a draw I guess.
Tommy: Absolutely despicable act from the police here. We will get back to you as soon as we can with more details.
Vin E walks out and addresses the situation without music.
Vin E: OK, ok. The Administrator Formerly Known as Principal is already on the phone freeing our wrestlers. Unfortunately this match will be called a draw. Due to the interference. But if they think they can shut us down they are dead wrong. We have permits. And clipboard that says we have done nothing illegal. So...NExt week. We will be holding a super show. July 9th. United We Stand Divided we Brawl. We will see a rematch for the City Title. And no one can stop us. No one. Next week our first pay per view. Card will be released as soon as i get to the back.
Nathan: An unexpected ending and an unexpected announcement.
Tommy: That match was incredible I can't wait to see who finally wins. Take care for folks. See you next week at United we stand divided we brawl.
Engine Joe: How.......Are you doing? How.......Is you current used car treating you? I know that it can be difficult to admit when the vehicle that you love is ready to move on to the world beyond, but I am here to help guide you. Guide you on your spiritual journey to a new used car. I will personally lay my ear to the ground and hunt the right deal for you. So come on down to Engine Joe's. Any purchase's made before July 17th ear you a free Elizabeth Warren in my Hotame T shirt.
The ad ends and Nathan Doe and Tommy Victor are standing yards side.
Nathan Doe: Welcome, welcome to Mischief, a day later than usual, but we are here.
Tommy Victor: Yes unfortunately we were pre empted this week by Ned's insistence on doing yard work this week. Like any one gives a shit about a Coy pond.
Nathan Doe: And it seems like today, may have been an unlucky day to host the event, as the po po fuzz fuzz are all over town. But Rain or Sleet or five-0 the BWF delivers, as scheduled. Hard, fast, and neck breaking action.
TOmmy Victor: Exactly how I deliver to Nathan's mother.
Nathan Doe: Moving on to the first match.
Jason Kel steps out not with a rock band microphone, but a cheap karaoke machine mic. Likewise to the one prior, still no audio enhancement.
Jason Kel: Introducing first, Dillon the Villain.
The Boombox is surprisingly on cue as Metallica hits. "One" plays as Dillon walks emotionless to the yard.
Nathan Doe: I made the same face last night after eating some of those Burrito's
Tommy Victor: But Dillon shouldn't look so emotionless. Last time we saw him he was happy as Nathan's mom's clam when I was finished with her. Grinning ear to ear while sweating near a fan.
Nathan Doe: Picking up that victory last week did a lot for his confidence. We have to see how things shape up this week.
"Hokus Pokus" begins to play.
Jason Kel: And the opponent, Stretchnuts
Tommy: That's the wrong fucking song.
Nathan Doe: This is the most bush league bullshit. No Juggalo would use this for entrance music.
A clicking of the boombox leads to Just like that plays. Stretchnuts comes out pissed as fuck. He has a 12 pak of 6 oz Moon Myst. He chugs a can and throws it at the production patio.
Nathan: They deserved that one.
Tommy: How about on that isn't open. I am a little parched.
Stretch and Dil tie up. Dil grabs Stretchnuts and Irish whips him. He runs until losing momentum and turns around to look at Dillon confused.
Nathan: That may have been a little more effective if you know they were in a ring.
Stetchnuts flips Dillon off and runs back toward him. He jumps for a running drop kick but Dillon side steps. The clown hits the ground hard. Dillon stomps on him then falls down with some knee drops.
Nathan Doe: Those are fantastic knee drops.
Dillon swings his leg over and is prone on top, mounted and punching Stretchnuts.
Tommy: Both of Th4e Villain's fist appear to be down with the clown right now.
Dillon covers and the masked referee counts.
1
2
kick out.
Stretchnuts kicks out with force. Dillon gets angry and starts throwing more blows. Elbows and forearms. Then instead of covering he wraps his arms around and puts Stretchnuts into a sleeper hold.
Tommy: And this is really brilliant. Stretchnuts is already grounded. And probably a little concussed. Throwing him into a sleeper hold could win this match.
Nathan: Is..IS this the first submission attempt on BWF? Dillon has made history! A historic attempt to win a match! History!
TOmmy: ok Michael Cole shut the fuck up.
The referee inspects Stretchnuts. His conscience seems to be waning. He reaches out and grabs his arm. Lifting it, it drops and lay motionless. He does it again.
Nathan: If it falls a third this match has been won.
Stretchnuts grabs a 4 0z can of faygo that was stashed away for later. As his arm is raised a third, and potentially final time he smashes the can into Dillon's face. The can ruptures from impact and begins spraying. Stetchnuts shotguns it and seems to get his strength back. Dillon is busted open from the can and is bleeding.
Tommy: And like a shark sensing blood in the water Stretchnuts looks like he is going in for the kill.
Stretchnuts grabs his trusty rubber hammer and swings at the open wound on Dillon's face and explodes it further. Dillon falls to the ground. legs bent underneath looking like a fail old salty pretzel. Stretchnuts looks at him, knowing the match is over and screams "No". He walks around the house grabbing ply wood and two burn barrels. He sets the ply wood up on them to create a table. Then he reaches into the shed near the production patio and drags out a 20 foot ladder. The ladder is leaned against the large clothesline "T" and then rolls the lifeless Dillon on top of the make shift table.
Nathan: This doesn't look good from Dillon's view.
Tommy: The back of his eye lids or the maniac clown about to put him through that table?
Stretchnuts climbs up as far as he can, then proceeds to climb down four rungs deciding a more comfortable spot to leap from isn't that high off of the ground.
Stretchnuts: This is for all of the Jugaalos and Juggaletes. Today I am jumping frog splash on this dipshit moron. Don't try this at home. Woopwoop. Fuck this shit.
He leaps for a down with the clown, but before impact Maniac mark comes out of nowhere and shoves Dillon out of the way. Stretchnuts goes through the table and hits the ground hard.
Tommy: What in the hell is going on? Why is Manic Mark here?
Mark grabs the out cold clown and lifts him up then powerbombs him onto the grass. A poof of dirt erupts under him. Dillon climbs on the ladder and leaps with a fragile looking shooting star press. It barely connects but it does. And Maniac Mark makes sure Dillon is pinning Stretchnuts.
1
2
3
Mark lifts Dillon by his waist band and tosses him into the neighboring property. Mark turns to Stretchnuts who is beginning to move and then grabs one of the burn barrels and slams it down onto him. It dents and rolls next to the clown. Mark takes a large towel out from his pants and wraps it around Stretchnuts head then grabs a 2 liter of Rock n Rye, opens it and the pours it onto the towel. Water boarding the juggalo with Faygo.
Nathan: And he is a maniac, maniac, maniac, on the run and he's wa-ter-boar-ding a jug-alo
Stretchnuts writhes and gasps. Once Mark is finished he rips the hatchetman jersey off of Stretchnuts back and takes a lighter, ignites it then burns the shirt.
Tommy: I don't know where this Mark came from, who he thinks he is. If he is Manic or Maniac, but I do know this. That jersey will never be the same again. He has lit the hatchetman on fire.
Mark lifts Stretchnuts and hits him with "The Cure" and rolls him out of the yard then takes Jason Kel's karaoke mic.
Mark: You know this shit doesn't work right? It's not plugged in. Fuck it. I told you Rock n Rye was the best. I told you. Look at you know. Coach Jimbo and Taboo are about 5 minutes from looking the same. So lets get this going.
Cotton Eye Joe begins playing and Coach Jimbo waddles to the ring. Then "Mr. Crowley" plays and Taboo walks out, chained around the neck led like a dog by Mitch Alfonso. Before the match can begin, the basement door opens up. And NEd walks out. Shirtless, his long gray hair pulled back into a pony tail. His old jeans look nearly acid wash from use.
Ned: I told you fuckers I don't want this shit happening here. I see what you did to my truck. Look at my fucking truck. I wanna know which one of you little fuckers did that.
Everyone in unison points to Coach Jimbo, who looks around, and behind him to see who they are pointing to. Ned screams and then chases Jimbo off down the street. Taboo goes in for an attack on Mark who is caught off guard. Taboo runs and rolls onto his knee. A classic taboo assault.
Nathan: Using all of his body weight to destroy the base of the bigger man.
Tommy: A more accurate summarization of Taboo has never been spoken.
Taboo does a stalling elbow drop onto Mark. Rushes back to his feet and follows up with another. Then a standing leg drop. Taboo unhooks the chain around his neck and Mitch screams at him from the production patio. Instructing him to choke Mark. He instead whips it across Marks chest. He rolls in pain then Taboo whips it across his back. Again he rolls and again he is whipped. Taboo wraps the chain around his own knee then leaps for a knee drop. Mark rolls out of the way and Taboos knee, surrounding in chain link, smashes into the ground. Mark gets up and short arm clothelines Taboo to the ground.
Nathan: Mark making a comeback, meanwhile Jimbo is nowhere to be found.
Mark lifts Taboo up and walks him over to the burn barrel that was laying from the assault moments earlier and DDt's him into it. He covers.
1
He stands up from the pin when he see's Mitch making his way over. Mitch yells at him, but is surprised when Mark grabs him around the throat and choke slams him onto the chain that fell from around Taboos knee. Mark turns around and Taboo swings at him. Maniac ducks grabs him just perfectly for a Cure and slams him down with the maneuver. He covers him.
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3
Jason Kel: HEre is your winner. Maniac Mark.
Tommy: And Mark looks like a complete beast.
Nathan: But look Stretchnuts is back to his feet.
The juggalo is barely walking, but walking nontheless. He has bessie the barbed wire bat. Mark catches sight of this but it's just too late. Stretchnuts swings and connects. Then peels it off of him, gushing skin and blood and does it again. and again. Mark is crawling away the best he can but the Juggalo continues to hit his mark.
Nathan: Payback is a bitch, as they, the ICP often say.
Stretchnuts reaches in to his pocket where a lighter of his own. One with a mushroom farm image on it, and lights the bat on fire. The flame becomes stronger and stretchnuts drops it into the second, still standing burn barrel. Mark looks up in agony as his beloved weapon burns in the flames. Just then Coach Jimbo still evading Ned is seen on the roof. Ned in tow, Jimbo backs up begging for his life. Ned draws back to swing but Jimbo bends down and motions that he will in fact suck his dick to leave him alone. Ned grabs him by the head and waist and tosses him off of the first story roof.
Nathan Doe: Was that a UFO?
Tommy: Yes, an Un-fuckable Orfice.
Nathan: Amidst all of this chaos and mayhem we still have a title match. Now this is an around town match that means they can literally go anywhere. And the are actually not here. We have cameramen on the scene...
Tinder and Olaf are squaring up at the vacant K mart parking lot.
Tommy: How crazy are these two fighting there during peak hours!
Tinder gestures with crotch and Olaf then gestures with his mouth. Tinder stops immediately and gets angry. He runs at Olaf, but Olaf pokes him in the eye then kicks him in the ass. Tinder flies into the carts in the cart carrell. Olaf gets an idea and throws him into a cart and bgins pushing it jackass style at one of the few cars in the lot. Tinder begins praying to the sky before the impact. The cart hits the car which launches Tinder over it, flipping onto the other side down onto the pavement. He dry humps the air in pain.
Nathan: That is an old guru trick to send the pain felt in the body the universe.
Olaf crawls under the car and gets next to Tinder and bites his ear. Tinder smacks him away then rolls to his feet. Olaf hits him with a clothesline, that doesn't knock him to the ground but sends him back to the carts. Tinder tries to escape by climbing into another cart. HE realizes his mistake when Olaf grabs the handle the runs, forcing the cart to gain speed. Olaf leaps and puts his foot onto the bar and scoots it along faster and faster. They are at the edge of parking lot, near the back of the building. Olaf climbs in and wails on Tinder.
The cart leaves the parking lot, both wrestlers riding in it swinging at each other and falls down a large hill. they sled down for most of the journey before hitting a rock and soaring out, then both rolling down the hill. They each take several minutes to stand up and are now in the middle of down town. Tinder grabs trash can lid and smacks Olaf with it. Olaf stumbles back into the wall of a bar, called "Dizz's" Tinder kicks him and Olaf falls through the door. All of the bar patrons turn their heads and watch as Tinder lifts Olaf onto the pool table.
Tinder grabs a pool que and breaks it over Olaf's back. A bald, bearded poser in a eagles Jersey yells.
Bald bearded poser in eagles jersey: What the fuck are you doing? I'll shoot you with my gun. I obviously have a permit to carry and am a heavy drinker. You can tell by how big my dick is. Don't you see you're fucking with the wrong...
Tinder grabs his junk and shakes it at the poser.
Bald bearded poser in eagles jersey: Let's go Ben this place is fucking gay.
The poser and his friend Ben, probably an equally big poser leave.
Olaf grabs an 8 ball and hits Tinder with it. Tinder stumbles so far he falls out of the back door of the bar and they are near the overpass/bridge.
Nathan: And now it seems that we are in Olaf's backyard. Olaf picks tinder up and slams him onto a milk crate. It busts and Tinder praises the Bhuddah in pain.
Olaf kicks him in the ribs and he rolls close to the river. Tinder grabs a river rock and throws it at Olaf. Olaf ducks but gets kicked in the groin. Olaf grabs a beer bottle from off the ground and swings, breaking it over Tinder's head. He covers.
1
2
Kickout. Tinder rolls free and pokes both of Olaf's eyes. HE sees a scooter in the yard of low in come housing projects and grabs it and begins to flee. Olaf grabs a toddler bike and follows. They weave in and out fo traffic passed the sunoco and the school and Tinder has lead him back to the Yard.
Nathan: And the match at least for now has returned to the back yard. Tinder steps onto the property and tosses the scooter down between he and Olaf. Olaf swerves to miss the scooter and wrecks the toddler bike. Tinder see's his favorite fan on her porch next door and begins jig and point to all of his fantastic gold jewelry.
Olaf comes at him Tinder. Tinder tries to low blow again but Olaf moves out of the way and smacks him with his bindle several times. Tinder falls down and reaches into the wreckage from match before and grabs some broken ply wood and throws it at Olaf. It connects and cuts Olaf open. The blood in his eyes distracts him long enough for Tinder to grab what was left of the barbed wire bat from the other barrel and swings it at Olaf. It sticks to Olafs back and he swings at Tinder. Tinder falls backward and finds himself leaning against the ladder, that is also leaning on the clothesline T.
Olaf runs at him, jumps and turns landing backward into Tinder. Smashing both of them with the barbed wire bat between them. They are stuck together now. Tinder kicks Olaf forward and the barbs pull free from Tinder. Tinder takes a few steps back against the fence. Olaf runs and attempts a spear but Tinder turns away. Olaf sends himself right through the fence and into the neighbors yard. The girl watching on the porch looks a little scared.
Tinder follows olaf and lifts him for a shake rattle and bone. HE covers.
1
2
thr
Woopwoopwoop
Tinder is lifted off of Olaf by a police officer. Another grabs olaf, while others shake down the yard. Chief Deebolt walks over.
Deebolt: I told that faggy little clown that I was gonna shut you fuckers down. So here I am. What's wrong with you people? This all you got to do? This is what you have done with your time? Backyard wrestling at the former principals house? Now I have come here and deal with you instead of selling drugs at the volley ball game after school. We are shutting this down.
Tinder and olaf are handcuffed and put into the car. Nathan and Tommy have retreated into the corner of the patio. Deebolt leans into Tinders ear and whispers.
Deebolt: That's my pussy over there on that porch. Keep it up and this night stick will be so far up your ass you will choke on it.
They put them into the car and drive away.
nathan: I...I don't know what to say exactly. This is a draw I guess.
Tommy: Absolutely despicable act from the police here. We will get back to you as soon as we can with more details.
Vin E walks out and addresses the situation without music.
Vin E: OK, ok. The Administrator Formerly Known as Principal is already on the phone freeing our wrestlers. Unfortunately this match will be called a draw. Due to the interference. But if they think they can shut us down they are dead wrong. We have permits. And clipboard that says we have done nothing illegal. So...NExt week. We will be holding a super show. July 9th. United We Stand Divided we Brawl. We will see a rematch for the City Title. And no one can stop us. No one. Next week our first pay per view. Card will be released as soon as i get to the back.
Nathan: An unexpected ending and an unexpected announcement.
Tommy: That match was incredible I can't wait to see who finally wins. Take care for folks. See you next week at United we stand divided we brawl.