Post by Admin on Jul 8, 2019 23:06:31 GMT -5
*A few days ago*
Administrator formerly known as Principal is in his bedroom. It has further been converted from a living space to a working office. He is masked and skyping with investors.
Admin: So, I assume that you all are happy with the hits our social media presence have given to your businesses. We are still growing the brand online. Every day we see increases in activity.
Texas Pete: I haven't had one surge of increased consumer consumption since I got in bed with you.
Engine Joe: Nor I.
Dick Little: At first it was dead. But last week, due to the street fight...
Admin: Around Town Match. It's called the around town match.
Dick LIttle:...Being shut down by police, there was a surge.
Admin: Of course, it's only growing. Getting bigger. And the stories being told are REAL, and RAW.
Suddenly a knock in his door. The mask hides his embarrassment.
Admin: Excuse me.
He mutes the call, but forgets to block the feed. He opens the door and his mother Rory is there. Looking rough as if she hasn't slept in weeks.
Admin: Mother?
Rory: What are you doing? Who are talking to?
Admin: Business partners.
Rory: Business partner for what? For your little wrestling thingy? For more failed movies? You had a career. You were a principal of high school. On your way to Superintendent.
Admin: I am making great strides.
Rory: I'm talking to you as your mother. You know that I cannot leave the house anymore. You know the accident...Things scare me. I'm frightened. And you're only scaring me further with...These people. These kids. These bums in my yard. Oh it was a beautiful yard. Your father isn't happy with you. Not at all.
Admin: I'll handle dad.
Rory: What's with the mask? Take that off. Why are you so weird? Where did we go wrong with you? Are you attracted to boys? There's help for you.
Admin: What? No...Mother. Stop. I am in a meeting with business partners. Right now.
Rory: I just hate seeing what's become of our home. For me. Please stop?
Admin: If you don't stop pestering me about my affairs I will have a doctor lock you up in a padded room and send dad to whatever retirement home the VA has to offer.
He slams the door and returns to the call. Investors having seen it all.
Admin: Sorry about that, my secretary had a few things she had bring to my attention. So, to reiterate. Your numbers have been growing. Our numbers have too. with more time, and effort, you will see more returns. And trust me. I am on twitter promoting almost every five minutes. And Reddit.
Dick Little: As I was saying the numbers seemed to sky rocket when the police showed up.
Admin: And I have more in store every week. I have, a fire work scheme set up to finish the night. If they show up again we have permits to set them off. This is our cover.
Dick Little: Well I hope they do, because the drama mixed with the violence is what's selling on my end.
Engine Joe: Who care's about cheap porn, podcasts, and strippers?
Dick Little: Literally Everyone Apache Chief.
Admin: Look boys, I promise our super show will deliver the numbers. We have tables matches, a fire starter match. They literally have to set someone on fire. And the around town part deux. And I have a feeling the police will be there, and we will make them look like fools.
*Now*
UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE BRAWL:
Nathan Doe and Tommy Victor are standing in the backstage patio. Working karaoke microphones in hand.
Nathan: Welcome to our first super show.
Tommy: You can call it a Super Show, you can call it a Pay Per View. It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the violence. That these people are going to literally harm themselves, for us. For you.
Nathan Doe: Just like me and your mother.
Tommy:...Leave the mother jokes to the professionals Doe.
Nathan Doe: Indeed. So tonight we have two debuting wrestlers in action.
Bud "scumbag" Wilson is walking around in the shot. Careless, and aware he is interrupting.
Nathan: And apparently one here now. Ladies and Gentlemen Bud Wilson.
Tommy: I assume only friends can call you scum bag? Do you have anything you wanna say to the viewing audience?
He doesn't respond and finds a place to sit before relaxing with his feet up.
Nathan: There is no filter here. No scripts. It's unpredictable. So unpredictable.
Tommy: I can predict one thing. Tables are about to break in our opening match up.
Jason Kel: Laaaadies and Gentlemen...
Nathan: Stole my fucking line.
Jason Kel: The following is a fatal five way elimination tables match. The winner will be the last man standing. Introducing first. He is the strange one. The enigma. Taboo.
The Boombox clicks and Mr Crowley begins to play. Taboo leads Mitch Alfonso to the yard. Mitch is blowing a whistle. Taboo has his chain dangling from his neck.
Jason Kel: Next, Dillon the Villain.
One by Metallica plays and Dillon the Villain walks out brooding and ready.
Jason Kel: And introducing, making his debut he is the King of Newburgh Kyle Killjoy!
“D’You Know What I Mean” echoes throughout the street as the camera focuses on the entrance curtain. We hear the electronic parts of the intro, before eventually the drums kick in, along with the acoustic and electric guitars. The electronic sounds still remain. Eventually, as it reaches the 45 second mark of the song, out from the curtain bursts “The King Of Newburgh” Kyle Killjoy. Kyle makes his way down to the ring, doing a strut that might remind you of Jeff Jarrett, stopping to raise his hands in the air, with only four fingers up. He then proceeds further into the backyard, before taking his crown off and placing it somewhere safe. He then takes his mantle off before carefully folding it and placing it somewhere safe.
Jason Kel: And returning to action after last weeks beat down from Ned. Coach Jimbo.
Cotton eye Joe plays and Coach Jimbo walks slowly to the ring. Still hurt from last week.
Jason Kel: And finally, also making his debut. Eddie Slipknot.
Crawling from Linkin Park plays and Eddie slowly douches to the ring.
Tommy: Last week the cops shut us down this week it’ll be this ones mother.
Nathan Doe: We will just have you take care of her.
Tommy: I do know how to handle peoples mothers. Especially Nathan’s.
The clunking of metal begins the match. There is wood and tables set up throughout the entire yard. As the wrestlers square up the basement door slams open and Ned steps out of the dwelling.
Ned: I thought I made it clear last week. I don’t want you here.
He rushed to Jimbo who tries to get away, but Ned not being an overwight slob, and former marine catches him quite easily. He beats hi, down with punches and elbows. The other wrestlers just watch,
Ned, with almost no effort it seems. Picks Jimbo up over his head and throws him at one of the already setup tables. Jimbo crashes through the table and crawls away,
Jason Kel: Jimbo has been eliminated.
Ned storms back into his basement and the other wrestlers attack, Taboo finds Dillon and locks up.
Nathan: These two have beein in each others way since day one.
Taboo kicks Dillon in the gut and DDT’s him to the ground. Meanwhile Eddie and Kyle have skipped the tie up and are trading punches. Eddie lands a nice one that makes Kyle fall back, but he leaps forward with an ever better punch that sends Eddies long black hair back, chin up and falling on his behind.
Taboo picks Dillon up, Dillon low blows him and falls to the ground. Mitch Alfonos runs in at Dillon. Dil side steps and avoids him. Alfonso winds up between Kyle and Eddie who double drop kick him. He falls down through a table. Dillon comes by and clotheslines them both, Taboo rolls to his feet and runs after Dillon. Dillon arm drags him, he gets up and does so again. Now all four remaining wrestlers are dueling arm drags. Dillon arm drags Taboo. Kyle Arm drags Eddie. Eddie arm drags Dillon. Taboo Arm drags Kyle. this continues in particular order.
Tommy Victor: YAAA THIS IS AWESOME. THIS IS AWESOME
Dillon pokes Kyle Killjoy in the eye. Taboo grabs Eddie by the groin and drags him across the backyard, finally pulling him into a pile driver. He is down and Taboo starts building several tables from ply wood and folding chairs.
Killjoy elbow strikes Dillon in the forehead and snapmares him to the ground.
Nathan Doe: And here it is, he calls this the royal blood.
He runs back first into the fence then runs forward with momentum and kicks. Leaving Dillon on the ground he then runs over and hits Taboo with the Royal Boot. in the back of the head. Taboo falls forward narrowly missing the tables he has set up.
Eddie climbs up on the T used for drying laundry and elbow drops the downed Taboo. As he stands Kyle Killjoy spears him to the ground. The King of Newburgh taunts as he is the only one left standing.
Nathan Doe: That’s right peons. Peasants. Piss ants.
Dillon pops up and toe kicks him. Then snap suplexes him. Dillon screams in anger and lifts him to his feet and points to the table. He reaches out but Killjoy side steps and delivers a Royal Tuner through the table.
Jason Kel: Dillon the Villain has been eliminated.
Taboo swings his chain and wraps it around Killjoy who is surprised to be choked. Eddie walks over and joins the assault. Throwing strikes at the chocking Killjoy. Taboo, not pleased with this throws the other side of the chain at Eddie. It whips him in the back and he yells in pain. Taboo pulls Killjoy close and belly to belly suplexes him. He barely misses a table.
Nathan Doe: Taboo almost sending the new guy home.
Eddie gets up and runs at Taboo. He tries for a spear but Taboo leaps over it then turns quickly and gives him a russain leg sweep. Kyle frees himself and attempts another royal boot. Taboo sees it coming and jumps hitting him with a high knee. He rolls him onto one of the set up tables and climbs up, Taboo pile drives him. Carefully dropping him through the table while avoiding going through himself.
Tommy: A pile driver through the table. HIs neck may be broken!
Nathan Doe: Taboo says welcome to the bwf King, check your royalty at the door.
Tommy: I wouldn’t speak for Taboo, we don’t know where that tongues been.
As Taboo is set to rally and finish the match once and for all, Eddie grabs his guitar and smashes it over his head. It explodes and Taboo falls forward onto the tables he built earlier. They are sturdier than they appear and do not break as he lays face down. Eddie finds a step ladder and climbs up and leaps down for a swanton bomb. Landing the attack and breaking the tables.
Jason Kel: Taboo is the final elimination. Here is your winner Eddie Slipknot!
Nathan Doe: What a debut!
*Down the street a surveillance van is parked recording evidence. Deebolt radios the team to be ready to strike*
Nathan Doe: And now we have a fire starter match. What is a fire starter match? Other than a reference to Stephen King.
Tommy: It’s a means to an end. A grudge match. An inferno match. Only way to win is to set your opponent on fire.
The masked anonymous referee lights a bonfire.
Jason Kel: Introducing first.
Just like that by ICP hits the boombox
Jason Kel: Stretchnuts
He runs to the yard and stands next to the bonfire, taunting warming himself up.
“Killing in the name of” Rage Against the Machine plays next. Maniac Mark walks slowly carrying his old charred bat wrapped with barbed wire.
Nathan Doe: If looks could kill Tommy.
Tommy: Your mother would have died a long time ago.
Mark takes flight and charges Stretchnuts. Stretchnuts shows no fear and runs toward the Maniac.
Nathan Doe: Wasting no time.
Tommy: This is a deep seated, psychological rivalry and it all began over off brand soda.
Nathan Doe: Riveting.
Mark swings bessie and Stretch ducks underneath. He kicks at the back of Marks legs but Mark turns around almost unphased. He throws a powerful hammer fist down onto Stretchnuts shoulder. Stretchnuts bends in pain. Mark does this once more to the other shoulder and drops Stretchnuts. Mark stomps on the clown several times, before dragging him next to the bonfire.
Nathan Doe: Looking for an early win here.
Tommy Victor: This could be a whole new meaning to burning man.
He lifts stretchnuts head off of the ground and tries to shove it into the flames. The heat brings Stretchnuts back to reality and he refuses to go in, they both struggle and Stretchnuts elbows him in the gut hard enough to break his grasp then kicks him off. Stretchnuts grabs the old burned baseball bat and tosses it at Maniac, the barbed wire sticks to his flesh until he rips it from his own body and swings it at Stretchnuts.
Nathan Doe: Mr. Nuts knows exactly how this feels. I guarantee he will do everything to avoid being hit by that again.
Stretchnuts finds an opening and dives headbutting Mark in the gut. Then delivers a chin breaker. Mark falls back and lands on the bench of a picnic table Stretchnuts rummages through the yard and finds a sheet pan. He meets Mark at the table and slams the sheet pan onto his head three times leaving it a bent and misshapen pile of scrap metal.
Marks eye’s are all tweet tweet, but only for a moment. He reaches out and grabs stretchnuts by the throat and choke slams him onto the picnic table. He hits the wooden table hard and gasps. Mark reigns elbows down onto Stretchnuts and knocks him loopy. Then with one hand carries him to the bonfire. As he tries to toss him into it Stretchnuts again is roused by the impeding flame and kicks and flails about. Mark drops him and Stretchnuts trips him from the ground. Stretchnuts reaches into the bon fire and grabs a piece of log. It is a lit torch in his hands and he swings it at Mark. Mark backs up and grabs his bat again. Stretchnuts swings his flaming log and it collides with bessie and she lights up again. Now both men are dueling with torches.
Nathan Doe: I cannot believe what I am seeing right now.
Stretchnuts has to shield himself from a powerful swing from Mark the impact explodes the log and shoots red charcoal into his eyes. He turns around and wipes at them trying to stop the burning. Mark kicks him in the back and sends him to the picnic table once more. While there Strethnuts grabs a silver can from under it. Mark swings bessie, but
before it connects the flames die out. But the impact of the barbed wire bat sends Stretchnuts reeling toward the flame. Mark charges after and tackles him from behind. The force sends Strethnuts through the flames. And onto the ground.
Nathan: He just went through the bonfire that has to be 10000 degrees
Mark in a blind rage chases after the clown and runs through the bonfire to ger to him. But Stretchnuts grabs the silver can from his pocket, and squirts it at the flames. It is lighter fluid and the bonfire erupts with more hellfire and Mark is right in the thick of it. He steps out smokey but not caught aflame.
Stretchnuts: What are you flame retarded?
Mark reaches out and grabs stretchnuts by the throat, stretchnuts pours the rest of the lighter fluid out, aiming for Mark but getting them both. He steps on Marks toes and then shoves him toward the bonfire Mark stops just short. Stretchnuts runs and goes for a dropkick but MArk catches him by the legs and twirls him around into the fire, his new Hatchetman Jersey lights aflame and and Mark cotntinues to spin and twirl him until letting him go, and soar ten feet. He hits the dirt and the flame goes out from the impact.
Jason Kel: Here is your winner Maniac Mark.
Nathan Doe: What a helluva fight that was.
Suddenly Dave Jones runs by holding the 24/7 championship being chased by a ton of unknown competitors. He takes off and they follow down the street.
Nathan Doe: And the main event, a rematch, a continuation of the around town match for the City title that was cut short last week. And yes it is already in progress, lets got to the feed.
Tinder and Olaf are in the cemetery. Olaf smacks Tinder with a rock and it sends him backward into a headstone. It breaks under him. He grabs the chunk of stone and throw it at Olaf. It smacks him in the head. Tinder then grabs flowers from a grave and whips Olaf in the back with them.
Tommy: Apparently these two have been going at it since the start of the PPV when Tinder finally broke free from jail. That nail file escape was impressive, but unnecessary as he made bail last night.
Nathan Doe: That’s right, our boss the Administrator formerly known as Principal negotiated his release with plenty of time for this match.
Olaf grabs Tinder and monkey flips him down a hill. He rolls like a stranded skier down the mountain and falls onto main street. As he stands Olaf drops onto him with a double axe handle. Tinder tumbles up the pavement and onto the side walk. Olaf grabs him and DDT’s him onto the concrete. He pins.
1
2
Th
Kickout.
He manages to get his shoulders up and headbutts Olaf. Olaf grabs him by the head and pulls him down the street further. At the end of the block they are at a chinese restaurant. Tinder gouges Olaf in the eyes and then whips him into the side of a dumpster. He falls down and Tinder leg drops him. Then covers him.
1
Kickout.
He gets up with ease and grabs Tinder by the nose with a set of chop sticks from the trash. He negotiates Tinders movements and sends him down the street with wicked force. Tinder takes off down an alley and The Hardcore Hobo follows him. Tinder grabs a trash can lid and frisbees it at Olaf. Olaf ducks it and it smashes into the window of an apartment. Tinder continues running and grabs a dog from a yard and throws it at Olaf. The Hobo catches it and places it down gently as he takes a turn around the block. Suddenly they both collide through a fence, out fence and are in the yard. Tinder grabs a light tube and shatters it over Olafs face. The dust blinds him temporarily. Tinder takes the broken fence and brigs it up between Olaf’s thighs and crushes his balls with it. Tinder then swings it around across the face of the hobo, dropping him.
Nathan Doe: Swiped left so hard he wound up going right!
Tinder covers him.
1
2
Thr
Woopwoop
Suddenly the cops are on the property once again. The shake down continues. Tinder takes his green card out of his sandal and holds it between his fingers as he he puts his hands in the air. Deebolt leads other officers ands smiles a shit eating grin. The Admin walks out with his permit.
Admin: No no not this time coppa. Look over there, there and there. Cameras. Here is my permit. We are filming legally, a program for the interwebs. And I have permits for the fire, and fireworks that are rigged to go off to celebrate the 4th of July.
Deebolt: I don’t care how many permits you have.
He grabs the permits and tosses them into the bon fire.
Admin: Mayor Dobos will hear about this.
Deebolt: I am the law. I am the judge jury and in this case soon to be executioner. I am shutting you down asshole. All of you little fags are done. And there will be no fireworks. You got me? Trying to be patriotic and I bet these explosives arent even made in America.
Nathan Doe: Neither is your Maga hat prick.
Deebolt takes hold of the fireworks rig and suddenly it erupts. Fire works setting off through the yard, in a grand finale. The explosion sends Deebolt 20 feet away and leaves his hand a crusty pile dust separated from his arm.
Tinder takes advantage of the explosive distraction and rolls up Olaf. The referee catches it and counts.
1
2
3
Jason Kel from under the table: And here is your winner and new City Champion Tinder Mahal!
The chaos dies down and Deebolt is left whimpering for help. Admin is on the phone with paramedics and Tinder is swinging his hips with his belt at the neighbor girl. Jason Kel steps over to him.
Jason: Tinder I mustache you a question. How does it feel to have won the City title?
Tinder: Tinder is the gold man. It is fitting, it belongs to me. And I would never pawn it, not in a million years. But just for laughs I am going to see how much it’s worth.
More paramedics and police show up and Nathan and TOmmy send it home.
Nathan: Well that was our Supershow. New champion and probably a lot of trouble coming our way now.
Tommy: See you next week.
Administrator formerly known as Principal is in his bedroom. It has further been converted from a living space to a working office. He is masked and skyping with investors.
Admin: So, I assume that you all are happy with the hits our social media presence have given to your businesses. We are still growing the brand online. Every day we see increases in activity.
Texas Pete: I haven't had one surge of increased consumer consumption since I got in bed with you.
Engine Joe: Nor I.
Dick Little: At first it was dead. But last week, due to the street fight...
Admin: Around Town Match. It's called the around town match.
Dick LIttle:...Being shut down by police, there was a surge.
Admin: Of course, it's only growing. Getting bigger. And the stories being told are REAL, and RAW.
Suddenly a knock in his door. The mask hides his embarrassment.
Admin: Excuse me.
He mutes the call, but forgets to block the feed. He opens the door and his mother Rory is there. Looking rough as if she hasn't slept in weeks.
Admin: Mother?
Rory: What are you doing? Who are talking to?
Admin: Business partners.
Rory: Business partner for what? For your little wrestling thingy? For more failed movies? You had a career. You were a principal of high school. On your way to Superintendent.
Admin: I am making great strides.
Rory: I'm talking to you as your mother. You know that I cannot leave the house anymore. You know the accident...Things scare me. I'm frightened. And you're only scaring me further with...These people. These kids. These bums in my yard. Oh it was a beautiful yard. Your father isn't happy with you. Not at all.
Admin: I'll handle dad.
Rory: What's with the mask? Take that off. Why are you so weird? Where did we go wrong with you? Are you attracted to boys? There's help for you.
Admin: What? No...Mother. Stop. I am in a meeting with business partners. Right now.
Rory: I just hate seeing what's become of our home. For me. Please stop?
Admin: If you don't stop pestering me about my affairs I will have a doctor lock you up in a padded room and send dad to whatever retirement home the VA has to offer.
He slams the door and returns to the call. Investors having seen it all.
Admin: Sorry about that, my secretary had a few things she had bring to my attention. So, to reiterate. Your numbers have been growing. Our numbers have too. with more time, and effort, you will see more returns. And trust me. I am on twitter promoting almost every five minutes. And Reddit.
Dick Little: As I was saying the numbers seemed to sky rocket when the police showed up.
Admin: And I have more in store every week. I have, a fire work scheme set up to finish the night. If they show up again we have permits to set them off. This is our cover.
Dick Little: Well I hope they do, because the drama mixed with the violence is what's selling on my end.
Engine Joe: Who care's about cheap porn, podcasts, and strippers?
Dick Little: Literally Everyone Apache Chief.
Admin: Look boys, I promise our super show will deliver the numbers. We have tables matches, a fire starter match. They literally have to set someone on fire. And the around town part deux. And I have a feeling the police will be there, and we will make them look like fools.
*Now*
UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE BRAWL:
Nathan Doe and Tommy Victor are standing in the backstage patio. Working karaoke microphones in hand.
Nathan: Welcome to our first super show.
Tommy: You can call it a Super Show, you can call it a Pay Per View. It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the violence. That these people are going to literally harm themselves, for us. For you.
Nathan Doe: Just like me and your mother.
Tommy:...Leave the mother jokes to the professionals Doe.
Nathan Doe: Indeed. So tonight we have two debuting wrestlers in action.
Bud "scumbag" Wilson is walking around in the shot. Careless, and aware he is interrupting.
Nathan: And apparently one here now. Ladies and Gentlemen Bud Wilson.
Tommy: I assume only friends can call you scum bag? Do you have anything you wanna say to the viewing audience?
He doesn't respond and finds a place to sit before relaxing with his feet up.
Nathan: There is no filter here. No scripts. It's unpredictable. So unpredictable.
Tommy: I can predict one thing. Tables are about to break in our opening match up.
Jason Kel: Laaaadies and Gentlemen...
Nathan: Stole my fucking line.
Jason Kel: The following is a fatal five way elimination tables match. The winner will be the last man standing. Introducing first. He is the strange one. The enigma. Taboo.
The Boombox clicks and Mr Crowley begins to play. Taboo leads Mitch Alfonso to the yard. Mitch is blowing a whistle. Taboo has his chain dangling from his neck.
Jason Kel: Next, Dillon the Villain.
One by Metallica plays and Dillon the Villain walks out brooding and ready.
Jason Kel: And introducing, making his debut he is the King of Newburgh Kyle Killjoy!
“D’You Know What I Mean” echoes throughout the street as the camera focuses on the entrance curtain. We hear the electronic parts of the intro, before eventually the drums kick in, along with the acoustic and electric guitars. The electronic sounds still remain. Eventually, as it reaches the 45 second mark of the song, out from the curtain bursts “The King Of Newburgh” Kyle Killjoy. Kyle makes his way down to the ring, doing a strut that might remind you of Jeff Jarrett, stopping to raise his hands in the air, with only four fingers up. He then proceeds further into the backyard, before taking his crown off and placing it somewhere safe. He then takes his mantle off before carefully folding it and placing it somewhere safe.
Jason Kel: And returning to action after last weeks beat down from Ned. Coach Jimbo.
Cotton eye Joe plays and Coach Jimbo walks slowly to the ring. Still hurt from last week.
Jason Kel: And finally, also making his debut. Eddie Slipknot.
Crawling from Linkin Park plays and Eddie slowly douches to the ring.
Tommy: Last week the cops shut us down this week it’ll be this ones mother.
Nathan Doe: We will just have you take care of her.
Tommy: I do know how to handle peoples mothers. Especially Nathan’s.
The clunking of metal begins the match. There is wood and tables set up throughout the entire yard. As the wrestlers square up the basement door slams open and Ned steps out of the dwelling.
Ned: I thought I made it clear last week. I don’t want you here.
He rushed to Jimbo who tries to get away, but Ned not being an overwight slob, and former marine catches him quite easily. He beats hi, down with punches and elbows. The other wrestlers just watch,
Ned, with almost no effort it seems. Picks Jimbo up over his head and throws him at one of the already setup tables. Jimbo crashes through the table and crawls away,
Jason Kel: Jimbo has been eliminated.
Ned storms back into his basement and the other wrestlers attack, Taboo finds Dillon and locks up.
Nathan: These two have beein in each others way since day one.
Taboo kicks Dillon in the gut and DDT’s him to the ground. Meanwhile Eddie and Kyle have skipped the tie up and are trading punches. Eddie lands a nice one that makes Kyle fall back, but he leaps forward with an ever better punch that sends Eddies long black hair back, chin up and falling on his behind.
Taboo picks Dillon up, Dillon low blows him and falls to the ground. Mitch Alfonos runs in at Dillon. Dil side steps and avoids him. Alfonso winds up between Kyle and Eddie who double drop kick him. He falls down through a table. Dillon comes by and clotheslines them both, Taboo rolls to his feet and runs after Dillon. Dillon arm drags him, he gets up and does so again. Now all four remaining wrestlers are dueling arm drags. Dillon arm drags Taboo. Kyle Arm drags Eddie. Eddie arm drags Dillon. Taboo Arm drags Kyle. this continues in particular order.
Tommy Victor: YAAA THIS IS AWESOME. THIS IS AWESOME
Dillon pokes Kyle Killjoy in the eye. Taboo grabs Eddie by the groin and drags him across the backyard, finally pulling him into a pile driver. He is down and Taboo starts building several tables from ply wood and folding chairs.
Killjoy elbow strikes Dillon in the forehead and snapmares him to the ground.
Nathan Doe: And here it is, he calls this the royal blood.
He runs back first into the fence then runs forward with momentum and kicks. Leaving Dillon on the ground he then runs over and hits Taboo with the Royal Boot. in the back of the head. Taboo falls forward narrowly missing the tables he has set up.
Eddie climbs up on the T used for drying laundry and elbow drops the downed Taboo. As he stands Kyle Killjoy spears him to the ground. The King of Newburgh taunts as he is the only one left standing.
Nathan Doe: That’s right peons. Peasants. Piss ants.
Dillon pops up and toe kicks him. Then snap suplexes him. Dillon screams in anger and lifts him to his feet and points to the table. He reaches out but Killjoy side steps and delivers a Royal Tuner through the table.
Jason Kel: Dillon the Villain has been eliminated.
Taboo swings his chain and wraps it around Killjoy who is surprised to be choked. Eddie walks over and joins the assault. Throwing strikes at the chocking Killjoy. Taboo, not pleased with this throws the other side of the chain at Eddie. It whips him in the back and he yells in pain. Taboo pulls Killjoy close and belly to belly suplexes him. He barely misses a table.
Nathan Doe: Taboo almost sending the new guy home.
Eddie gets up and runs at Taboo. He tries for a spear but Taboo leaps over it then turns quickly and gives him a russain leg sweep. Kyle frees himself and attempts another royal boot. Taboo sees it coming and jumps hitting him with a high knee. He rolls him onto one of the set up tables and climbs up, Taboo pile drives him. Carefully dropping him through the table while avoiding going through himself.
Tommy: A pile driver through the table. HIs neck may be broken!
Nathan Doe: Taboo says welcome to the bwf King, check your royalty at the door.
Tommy: I wouldn’t speak for Taboo, we don’t know where that tongues been.
As Taboo is set to rally and finish the match once and for all, Eddie grabs his guitar and smashes it over his head. It explodes and Taboo falls forward onto the tables he built earlier. They are sturdier than they appear and do not break as he lays face down. Eddie finds a step ladder and climbs up and leaps down for a swanton bomb. Landing the attack and breaking the tables.
Jason Kel: Taboo is the final elimination. Here is your winner Eddie Slipknot!
Nathan Doe: What a debut!
*Down the street a surveillance van is parked recording evidence. Deebolt radios the team to be ready to strike*
Nathan Doe: And now we have a fire starter match. What is a fire starter match? Other than a reference to Stephen King.
Tommy: It’s a means to an end. A grudge match. An inferno match. Only way to win is to set your opponent on fire.
The masked anonymous referee lights a bonfire.
Jason Kel: Introducing first.
Just like that by ICP hits the boombox
Jason Kel: Stretchnuts
He runs to the yard and stands next to the bonfire, taunting warming himself up.
“Killing in the name of” Rage Against the Machine plays next. Maniac Mark walks slowly carrying his old charred bat wrapped with barbed wire.
Nathan Doe: If looks could kill Tommy.
Tommy: Your mother would have died a long time ago.
Mark takes flight and charges Stretchnuts. Stretchnuts shows no fear and runs toward the Maniac.
Nathan Doe: Wasting no time.
Tommy: This is a deep seated, psychological rivalry and it all began over off brand soda.
Nathan Doe: Riveting.
Mark swings bessie and Stretch ducks underneath. He kicks at the back of Marks legs but Mark turns around almost unphased. He throws a powerful hammer fist down onto Stretchnuts shoulder. Stretchnuts bends in pain. Mark does this once more to the other shoulder and drops Stretchnuts. Mark stomps on the clown several times, before dragging him next to the bonfire.
Nathan Doe: Looking for an early win here.
Tommy Victor: This could be a whole new meaning to burning man.
He lifts stretchnuts head off of the ground and tries to shove it into the flames. The heat brings Stretchnuts back to reality and he refuses to go in, they both struggle and Stretchnuts elbows him in the gut hard enough to break his grasp then kicks him off. Stretchnuts grabs the old burned baseball bat and tosses it at Maniac, the barbed wire sticks to his flesh until he rips it from his own body and swings it at Stretchnuts.
Nathan Doe: Mr. Nuts knows exactly how this feels. I guarantee he will do everything to avoid being hit by that again.
Stretchnuts finds an opening and dives headbutting Mark in the gut. Then delivers a chin breaker. Mark falls back and lands on the bench of a picnic table Stretchnuts rummages through the yard and finds a sheet pan. He meets Mark at the table and slams the sheet pan onto his head three times leaving it a bent and misshapen pile of scrap metal.
Marks eye’s are all tweet tweet, but only for a moment. He reaches out and grabs stretchnuts by the throat and choke slams him onto the picnic table. He hits the wooden table hard and gasps. Mark reigns elbows down onto Stretchnuts and knocks him loopy. Then with one hand carries him to the bonfire. As he tries to toss him into it Stretchnuts again is roused by the impeding flame and kicks and flails about. Mark drops him and Stretchnuts trips him from the ground. Stretchnuts reaches into the bon fire and grabs a piece of log. It is a lit torch in his hands and he swings it at Mark. Mark backs up and grabs his bat again. Stretchnuts swings his flaming log and it collides with bessie and she lights up again. Now both men are dueling with torches.
Nathan Doe: I cannot believe what I am seeing right now.
Stretchnuts has to shield himself from a powerful swing from Mark the impact explodes the log and shoots red charcoal into his eyes. He turns around and wipes at them trying to stop the burning. Mark kicks him in the back and sends him to the picnic table once more. While there Strethnuts grabs a silver can from under it. Mark swings bessie, but
before it connects the flames die out. But the impact of the barbed wire bat sends Stretchnuts reeling toward the flame. Mark charges after and tackles him from behind. The force sends Strethnuts through the flames. And onto the ground.
Nathan: He just went through the bonfire that has to be 10000 degrees
Mark in a blind rage chases after the clown and runs through the bonfire to ger to him. But Stretchnuts grabs the silver can from his pocket, and squirts it at the flames. It is lighter fluid and the bonfire erupts with more hellfire and Mark is right in the thick of it. He steps out smokey but not caught aflame.
Stretchnuts: What are you flame retarded?
Mark reaches out and grabs stretchnuts by the throat, stretchnuts pours the rest of the lighter fluid out, aiming for Mark but getting them both. He steps on Marks toes and then shoves him toward the bonfire Mark stops just short. Stretchnuts runs and goes for a dropkick but MArk catches him by the legs and twirls him around into the fire, his new Hatchetman Jersey lights aflame and and Mark cotntinues to spin and twirl him until letting him go, and soar ten feet. He hits the dirt and the flame goes out from the impact.
Jason Kel: Here is your winner Maniac Mark.
Nathan Doe: What a helluva fight that was.
Suddenly Dave Jones runs by holding the 24/7 championship being chased by a ton of unknown competitors. He takes off and they follow down the street.
Nathan Doe: And the main event, a rematch, a continuation of the around town match for the City title that was cut short last week. And yes it is already in progress, lets got to the feed.
Tinder and Olaf are in the cemetery. Olaf smacks Tinder with a rock and it sends him backward into a headstone. It breaks under him. He grabs the chunk of stone and throw it at Olaf. It smacks him in the head. Tinder then grabs flowers from a grave and whips Olaf in the back with them.
Tommy: Apparently these two have been going at it since the start of the PPV when Tinder finally broke free from jail. That nail file escape was impressive, but unnecessary as he made bail last night.
Nathan Doe: That’s right, our boss the Administrator formerly known as Principal negotiated his release with plenty of time for this match.
Olaf grabs Tinder and monkey flips him down a hill. He rolls like a stranded skier down the mountain and falls onto main street. As he stands Olaf drops onto him with a double axe handle. Tinder tumbles up the pavement and onto the side walk. Olaf grabs him and DDT’s him onto the concrete. He pins.
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Th
Kickout.
He manages to get his shoulders up and headbutts Olaf. Olaf grabs him by the head and pulls him down the street further. At the end of the block they are at a chinese restaurant. Tinder gouges Olaf in the eyes and then whips him into the side of a dumpster. He falls down and Tinder leg drops him. Then covers him.
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Kickout.
He gets up with ease and grabs Tinder by the nose with a set of chop sticks from the trash. He negotiates Tinders movements and sends him down the street with wicked force. Tinder takes off down an alley and The Hardcore Hobo follows him. Tinder grabs a trash can lid and frisbees it at Olaf. Olaf ducks it and it smashes into the window of an apartment. Tinder continues running and grabs a dog from a yard and throws it at Olaf. The Hobo catches it and places it down gently as he takes a turn around the block. Suddenly they both collide through a fence, out fence and are in the yard. Tinder grabs a light tube and shatters it over Olafs face. The dust blinds him temporarily. Tinder takes the broken fence and brigs it up between Olaf’s thighs and crushes his balls with it. Tinder then swings it around across the face of the hobo, dropping him.
Nathan Doe: Swiped left so hard he wound up going right!
Tinder covers him.
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Thr
Woopwoop
Suddenly the cops are on the property once again. The shake down continues. Tinder takes his green card out of his sandal and holds it between his fingers as he he puts his hands in the air. Deebolt leads other officers ands smiles a shit eating grin. The Admin walks out with his permit.
Admin: No no not this time coppa. Look over there, there and there. Cameras. Here is my permit. We are filming legally, a program for the interwebs. And I have permits for the fire, and fireworks that are rigged to go off to celebrate the 4th of July.
Deebolt: I don’t care how many permits you have.
He grabs the permits and tosses them into the bon fire.
Admin: Mayor Dobos will hear about this.
Deebolt: I am the law. I am the judge jury and in this case soon to be executioner. I am shutting you down asshole. All of you little fags are done. And there will be no fireworks. You got me? Trying to be patriotic and I bet these explosives arent even made in America.
Nathan Doe: Neither is your Maga hat prick.
Deebolt takes hold of the fireworks rig and suddenly it erupts. Fire works setting off through the yard, in a grand finale. The explosion sends Deebolt 20 feet away and leaves his hand a crusty pile dust separated from his arm.
Tinder takes advantage of the explosive distraction and rolls up Olaf. The referee catches it and counts.
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Jason Kel from under the table: And here is your winner and new City Champion Tinder Mahal!
The chaos dies down and Deebolt is left whimpering for help. Admin is on the phone with paramedics and Tinder is swinging his hips with his belt at the neighbor girl. Jason Kel steps over to him.
Jason: Tinder I mustache you a question. How does it feel to have won the City title?
Tinder: Tinder is the gold man. It is fitting, it belongs to me. And I would never pawn it, not in a million years. But just for laughs I am going to see how much it’s worth.
More paramedics and police show up and Nathan and TOmmy send it home.
Nathan: Well that was our Supershow. New champion and probably a lot of trouble coming our way now.
Tommy: See you next week.